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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mum and Dad - should I clear the air?

4 replies

pinkrabbits39 · 10/11/2023 07:08

Both my parents have been divorced. They met when I was a toddler but although my dad is not my biological father he raised me and he's been amazing. We were close and I saw them weekly and communicated daily with them. My brother fell out with Mum over her treatment of his son and within a week they had removed him from their Will and blocked his number. Last year my sister got a divorce and although my parents weren't particularly supportive of her at the time, they've embraced her new partner and upcoming marriage. This year, my husband moved out and we are getting divorced. My mum and dad have cut me off completely. For months I've had nothing to do with them. They still see my kids but they arrange it with them directly as they're old enough. I called them both soon after and their response was that 'I'd pushed my husband away' they were very aware of the situation that caused my marriage break down and seemed initially supportive of me in the months prior. After a month had passed and I missed them, I reached out on text (as it was too hurtful to speak to them directly) and dad advised me 'we should just leave things as they are'. To further complicate matters dad is currently having some medical tests, the results of which are pending. My sister is encouraging me to acknowledge that their behaviour has been awful but they're old and I should clear the air, accept them and move on. I feel really hurt and I can't let go that they abandoned me when I needed them the most. Any help greatly appreciated please Wine

OP posts:
MidnightOnceMore · 10/11/2023 07:13

What they did is extremely hurtful.

Do you want to see them or not? That's all that matters. Your sister makes her own choices for her.

How old are your kids? Are they aware of how you have been treated?

pinkrabbits39 · 10/11/2023 07:17

MidnightOnceMore · 10/11/2023 07:13

What they did is extremely hurtful.

Do you want to see them or not? That's all that matters. Your sister makes her own choices for her.

How old are your kids? Are they aware of how you have been treated?

Thank you for replying... My kids know and that is another factor. They're 13 and 17 and it no doubt is confusing for them. My son particularly is torn, he feels disloyal to me by seeing them as he thinks they're behaving badly. I don't want to make another crappy situation for them, when they're already handling the divorce. My confusion comes as I have been accused of being headstrong and the guilt I'll feel if anything happens to them will haunt me. Not sure if that's true?

OP posts:
NotObligedToArgueWithStrangers · 10/11/2023 07:21

Write them a letter or email? Set out everything you want to say and leave the ball in their court. They sound pretty controlling and "headstrong" themselves.

Seaoftroubles · 10/11/2023 08:45

Your parents sound judgemental and very rigid in their attitude, as shown by them disinheriting and blocking your brother because he raised an issue with them re his son. That sounds extreme behaviour, unless there's more to it. Also It must be very hard to forgive their unkind treatment towards you re your divorce, that sounds very odd as you say they were initially supportive.
You have now reached out and been rebuffed, so there's not much more you can do. Perhaps write to them explaining how you feel, but don't expect a reply. Your sister is correct that they have treated you badly, personally l would leave them to get on with it.
I would also be open with your childen and how much this has affected you. They are old enough to understand your hurt and l would be wary of further control and manipulation being exerted over them when they visit your parents.

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