I tend towards codependence, which I have recently realised and am now working on. My partner ? from whom I am separated ? has addictive tendencies, which he isn't altogether aware of.
We would both like to try reconciling after some breathing space. While I am working on the negative traits and relationship behaviours I have brought to the feast, he is simply taking time out ? distracting himself from the pain of the past six months, with the intention of coming at it anew: time heals and all that. But I am realising, through the work I am doing, how massively he will need to change too, if we are ever going to function healthily as a couple. I don't think he has a clue.
So I am feeling tempted ? in true codependent style [eye roll] ? to 'help' him (and us); to explain what's been going on for us, individually and as a couple, and that while I'm doing abc about my stuff, he needs to be doing xyz about his ? but because he wants to and through his own efforts. And leave it at that. But this is still me wanting him to change, and spelling it out to him, isn't it? Doing a bit of the work for him.
The advice for codependents is to let go; to try to fix nothing other than oneself. I think I could do this if we didn't have a son. But because we have a child, and because we both want to make it work ultimately, I feel that simply letting go and not imparting any information I learn about that could help us, would be irresponsible.
What do you think? Can I tell my ex what he would need to change, himself, and leave it at that? Would this be trying too hard, even with a child in the equation?