why is it even if you work pt, your still expected to all the housework and raise the kids, as you "only" work part time?

[mrsdannydyer]

yes im getting sick and tired of being expected to do everything as i "only" work part time.

so i do both school runs, look after the kids after school, work when the kids are at school, then at weekends and evenings i do everything. cook meals, wash up, make lunches, clean kitchen, bathroom, hoover, washing, ironing.

would i be better off work ft? then me and dh will be at work the same amount of time ?

Hmm.

On the assumption that one partner is working long hours and earning a lot of money, thereby making a very substantantial financial contribution to family life, should that partner make as great a housework and childcare contribution as his/her non earning partner?

Eh? How on earth does what one earns have any bearing on it?

Earnings are not related to how hard one works either.

It's about the hours available to do things. I will take into account if dh has had a long day or done lots of driving, but if it's even stevens in terms of hours worked (either paid work or at home) and nothing affecting tiredness or otherwise, as far as I'm concerned, whatever I haven't been able to do should be split.

I agree, Anna. If the wohparent is off working mega hours, probably flying all over the world and earning serious money for the benefit of all the family, I think the pt/sah person should be taking up the slack.

Hmm lol am not making much sense am I ?

am thinking more in terms of part-time vs full-time working as in the OP
and the full time worker thinking they do not have to do any housework at all
and for someone to compare their full-time salary to their partner's part-time salary and say because I am earning x times as much as you, you do all the housework- doesn't seem fair to me

yep surfermum, hours not salary...
makes more sense to me

Well I think most full time people earn more than part time...although I am an exception, I am pt but earn more than ft DH.
Neither of us would ever dream of flinging our respective incomes in each other's faces. He loves his job, I love moaning about my job...
It's not what you EARN its what you CONTRIBUTE.
So, you are saving cleaner and nanny/childminder fees. Add this up and you probably contribute more to the household than his salary does.
Does he want to go pt and you go ft and earn more then you can tell him you are worth more?
It's outrageous: lifelong salary sacrifice by women is so ingrained and assumed in our society and men really should appreciate how much actual unpaid work, but still bloody hard work, women do.

Steps off soapbox

The point is, I think, CatIsSleepy, that it is very difficult to establish what is a "fair division of labour" in a couple without having an enormous amount of detailed information on each partner's contribution to the family.

There are lots, and lots, and lots, of threads on MN about division of labour and sometimes the posts are sensible and thoughtful and sometimes they are really quite ridiculous - I get pretty bored with threads that tell tired SAHMs or part-timers that their DHs are sexist pigs who ought to be doing 50% of housework on principle when said DHs work extremely hard and are probably wiped out with exhaustion by the end of the day/week. Often (not always) the SAHMs in question really need to manage their households in such a way that they don't get so tired, rather than asking more of their already highly burdened DHs.

I know this is not always true, but it quite often is and it irks me. I don't think it does "feminists" any favours to rant about housework - rise above it and redesign / renegotiate your work / lifestyle rather than accusing DHs of not pulling their weight.

I work shorter hours than DH, and I earn more, Anna.

I think the salary thing is not so relevant as the hours thing.

Good for you, OI. And who does more at home?

neither are relevant tbh

if you are not hoappy you are not happy

agree with anna that it is about Managign

Me.

OI - do you feel resentful? That you contribute more both financially and at home?

No. Because I think the financial input is irrelevant. He works longer hours and he does a hard physical job. He doesn't resent that fact that I earn money by sitting in a warm dry office.

I wish he earned more. So does he. But as I'm home more often it makes sense for me to do more.

I work fewer hours, earn more and do the lion's share at home. I get cross with him the he doesn't contribute equally to "the home", but not because I contribute more financially. That's just the way the cookie crumbles at the moment.

So if you earn less, somehow you get some extra spare hours to make up for it?

Am I missing something here?

I am at a SAHM - should I have more than 24 hours in my day? Does the Council hand out extra 'means tested hours'??

I lived with someone for several years. We used to earn about the same but I did the lion's share at home (and also bought things like furniture and appliances while he bought consoles and a sports car). I didn't particularly care.

The dealbreaker happened when I started working much longer hours and could no longer physically manage to do so much at home because I just wasn't there. I wanted him to help me shoulder the burden, but he didn't.

So I threw him out.