Left an abusive relationship and ended up being used

[Mollerss]

I left an abusive relationship
I was single for a year and did lots of therapy
Then met a lovely man
a year later he turned abusive too and it seems he was just using me
even my therapist was surprised

I don’t have doormat on my forehead

I’m a strong, independent woman

everyone loved the second guy

it’s really left me jaded now

Abusers normally do not go for weak women.

Its a challenge for them to break down every single boundary and believe system a strong woman has. And a man will show you their best behavior until they get bored or need that control when you fight back on your boundary.

Its always a surprise when someone actively decided to treat someone badly when it would never even cross our mind to treat someone we love so poorly.

Its not about you so rise above it. Education is key, read up on narcissistic abuse, and I am not saying all men who treat women badly are, but the material around narcissistic behavior's is like a manual on who to steer well away from.

It’s definitely not you at all.

How was he using you?

Don't be dispirited - there really are some good men out there. Some awful ones too!

It’s understandable to feel jaded but don’t, it wasn’t personal, some men just love to do this, it’s almost like a hobby to them….I’ve met one too. It’s horrible but I’m sure you’ve learned some lessons so carry them forward with you, but don’t let it turn you bitter, you’re better than that.

It’s really not you, abusive men like this go for women with all the traits they themselves don’t possess. Honesty, kindness, integrity, emotional intelligence, loyalty etc etc.

They hate themselves so much that they have to try and strip all the amazing things they’re jealous of, from their victims.

Abusive men don’t go for weak women, it’s absolutely him and not you.

You won't be the first or the last woman they affect. They are long term users and abusers. They won't change. They aren't gunna wake up one day and think I'm a manipulative (insert fave swear word) I wanna change and start actually being nice. They are just shitty people who have shitty personalities. They blame everyone else for their shittiness and then they end up alone.

I went out with this older man for over 3 years. Completely took up all my head space. Messed my mind up. Confused me. I could write you a list of things he did and a book of stories that stand out. Many incidents of me alone, anxious, crying, under the silent treatment. Being blamed and accused of stuff I'd never been accused of in my lifetime by many other people I'd met. He was the first man who called me insecure. Who accused me of looking for fights. He made me out to be a crazy ass girl who needed to grow up. But he was the problem all along.

You can join the club and hold on tight knowing you aren't alone. It's really not you. You haven't got issues. Your not an easy target. You are normal. They hide it well. Sometimes we get caught up in the emotions and we stay and we try explain and fix and find that peace with the abuser because we've seen they can be nice.

Dont break your heart anymore now. Let him take full responsibility for being a looser. You are so much more and what you put out in the world will come back to you. Hold onto that. He will get the reward his behaviour has earned him.