What does this mean

[Didinderstand]

Had a fight today with DH of 20 years. We don't fight often and this was as bad as it gets. It was over nothing but instead of walking away when we should have, it escalated. He paused at one point and said..."you are trying to poison the kids against me as one day you think you are going to be on your own!" I just stopped arguing and left immediately. I have never thought we weren't going to be together forever. What did he mean? Because in my head it meant...one day you are going to be on your own ( not my choice) and I don't want you to poison the kids against me. Normally we are good together, get on well, he's a good and kind man who treats me well. But I just can't understand him saying that and what did he mean by it?

I would take it that he’s thinks that one day you will leave him.
Do you often blame him to the kids so they think less of him? in a kind of ‘dad always does XYZ……well, no point asking dad, he won’t know…Dad won’t be coming to parents evening…again!’

Well he means the relationship will be over at some point... and for some reason he thinks you're going to give the kids cause to dislike him.

Is it possible he could be up to something on the side and is either planning to leave you, or recognised he may be caught soon and you may leave him. And you may tell the kids the TRUTH. But he will paint that as you 'poisoning them against' him.

Or has he maybe fallen down some online incel forum where men hate women. And now paints you in this light of 'she's a woman so she's going to leave me, take the kids and be toxic'.

Hard to know really. What were you arguing about?

Possibly this is true. He doesn't like making any decisions as it stresses him out. So in the past I have chosen, cars, houses etc. I don't like to do this (which he knows) but he won't make them. I give him smaller things to choose I.e a new TV. I hate technology but he loves it but he has said that there are too many choices and I should pick one. This does mean when the kids ask for something, I do say dont ask your Dad if you want an answer. He will just say no automatically without thinking about the possibility of yes as its easier. I shouldn't say that to the kids though...I am just showing my annoyance when I should be more discreet in front of them. Its a thing I will remember going forward!

Well there's your answer.

He feels undermined by you and maybe assumes you're only with him for the childen. Maybe he fears you'll up and leave some day. Andante you'll get fed up of the dynamic and you will.

Sounds like small fears he has came to the surface in the argument.

Maybe have a conversation.

Not all men are always the bad guy.

sounds Like paranoia to me

We have had a big talk this afternoon. He acknowledges its not fair that I make all the decisions but doesn't really want this dynamic to change due to stress but that we can talk more about decisions and he will share the burden. Honestly I was mostly worried that he was thinking of leaving. He's a great partner, always happy to listen to me and I know he puts me and the children first always. He's a good man and I have always considered myself lucky to be with him. The decisions thing is annoying but pretty sure I have annoying habits too! We will continue to try and talk more and share the big decisions together.