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Original poster

Advise please

10 replies

sunearthmoom · 08/11/2023 00:36

Me and the father of my child broke up 2 days go after he was showing me a picture on his phone and he had selfies saved of this random girl as for the reason I still don't know why he had them because he pulled his phone away straight away when I saw them and when asked who was that he gaslight me and made out that im overthinking I didn't see anything there was no pictures of girl when I know what I saw and then is blaming me for the break up i am due to drop of our child to see him on Thursday and I dont know how I should act towards him as this will be the first time seeing him since this happened I know it hasn't been ages that I've not saw him but it's still raw I'm hurt because why did he have those pictures of this girl has he been speaking to her behind my back I'm so confused it hurts when you think someone wouldn't intentionally hurt you like that but they did :(

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 08/11/2023 03:23

How old is your child?
Do you have a friend or relative that could do pick ups and drop offs for a while until you feel a little less raw about things?

I think his reaction tells you that you were probably right to suspect there was something going on. If it was a simple to explain thing he could probably have done so easily enough and would, instead of gaslighting you, have been honest and looked to reassure you.

I also suspect you had prior reason to think he was up to no good if your first thought was that he might be, when you saw the pics.

I'm sorry that this happened. Please be kind to yourself moving forwards. And you don't owe him a chance to be honest with you because he already had that and decided to be a dick instead.

If you must do the drop off then do not go into his home or let him into yours. Just a quick "here she is, I'll see you Tuesday at 10am, bye". If he tries to talk about things then 'I'm not really looking for a discussion. I'm just here to drop off Mandy. I'll see you on Tuesday at 10am, bye' (repeat as necessary) then leave ASAP.

DustyLee123 · 08/11/2023 06:47

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Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 08/11/2023 06:55

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Oh stop it

Original poster
sunearthmoom · 08/11/2023 06:58

Pinkbonbon · 08/11/2023 03:23

How old is your child?
Do you have a friend or relative that could do pick ups and drop offs for a while until you feel a little less raw about things?

I think his reaction tells you that you were probably right to suspect there was something going on. If it was a simple to explain thing he could probably have done so easily enough and would, instead of gaslighting you, have been honest and looked to reassure you.

I also suspect you had prior reason to think he was up to no good if your first thought was that he might be, when you saw the pics.

I'm sorry that this happened. Please be kind to yourself moving forwards. And you don't owe him a chance to be honest with you because he already had that and decided to be a dick instead.

If you must do the drop off then do not go into his home or let him into yours. Just a quick "here she is, I'll see you Tuesday at 10am, bye". If he tries to talk about things then 'I'm not really looking for a discussion. I'm just here to drop off Mandy. I'll see you on Tuesday at 10am, bye' (repeat as necessary) then leave ASAP.

Yes prior to this we was having problems anyway problems where he already made me suspect something sneaky was going on with him but I just put it past me but literally seeing them selfies of that girl with my own two eyes just made everything so clear now like every little weird thing that changed about his behaviour was probably because he was up to something it's raw because I don't know how to feel about it all it's weird one minute i miss him then I want him back but also deep down I know it's done for good but he's playing games with me saying we're not together but I will message you about my son and that's it's but then when he does message he's checking up on me too and asking questions about me I've told him boundaries need to be set in place now you can't talk about myself or yourself as this would only lead me on and leave me hurt idk how long anything been going on behind my back he could have lost feeling for me a long time ago I'm just so confused right now but thankyou for your lovely answer xx

OP posts:
Original poster
sunearthmoom · 08/11/2023 06:59

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English was never my thing I wouldnt know where to start hahaha

OP posts:
Original poster
sunearthmoom · 08/11/2023 07:00

@Bobtheamazinggingerdog
I know there was no need was they haha

OP posts:
HappiestSleeping · 08/11/2023 07:06

I am part of a WhatsApp group with former colleagues. From time to time some fairly base jokes are shared which have various pictures contained. These show up at various inconvenient times, which is embarrassing, however if my wife saw one, it's easy to show the source and that there is nothing nefarious (which I would happily do).

The fact that he didn't want to show you or explain tells you all you need to know in afraid.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 08/11/2023 07:06

It's never easy to see your recent ex after finding out they have cheated or whatever. I was in that position and it's painful. I agree with the suggestion of getting someone else to do handovers.

Epidote · 08/11/2023 07:44

If you can't some help with the handover just think I don't like him, he is not good to me, when you see him. He is trying to blame me for his own actions I don't have to listen to any bullshit. That may help. Don't get nervous. It is just a few minutes. Expect nothing of him, just allow the visit and try to relax.

It sounds easier that may be. But not overthink about it.

Pinkbonbon · 08/11/2023 14:00

Ultimately he's just not a decent person. Like any half decent person doesn't cheat and gaslight and hurt their partner that way. Feelings aren't even that relevant. Because even if he 'lost his feelings' it wouldn't be an excuse to act like a morally bankrupt wanker.

I mean imagine hurting someone as he has and instead of appologising and trying to comfort them - telling them they have no right to their feelings and infact, they're the one that's wronged you! It's insane. Like, what a slimeball.

I'd be thinking - 'it's unfortunate I have to spend even one more minute of my time around someone like this. Let's get it over with and away again fast'.

Someone like him isn't worthy of any partner. They lack morality, decency and compassion. A waste of air.

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