Think my friend isn’t really a friend. WWYD?

[Underthedarksky]

Known her about 10 years (met when pregnant with DC). I’ve come to realise that she knows very little about about me. She never asks about me, I don’t think she even knows what I do for a career, yet I know by name all her work colleagues even though I’ve never met them, any issues she’s having and the ins and outs of her life.

I honestly cannot think of a single friend of hers that I haven’t heard her bitching about or taking the piss out of at some time or other because they have a smaller house then her, an older car etc. I could never tell her anything I didn’t want to be shared with others (learnt that the hard way).

we have her son over regularly for tea, she does invite our son over to her house too but the expectation is always that I come with him to keep her company (this normally means I’m then expected to help with housework and listen to her latest drama for hours on end).

These are just a few things, she has a habit of belittling me and just generally talking down to me in front of other people. Im regularly asked to collect her son from school for her because she’s running late which I wouldn’t normally begrudge doing every now and then but it’s become a regular thing.

I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I just feel I’m not getting anything out of the friendship anymore (not sure I ever really did). How do I go about trying to phase myself out of her life without a big drama or hurting her feelings? I struggle with social boundaries and so I’m not sure if this is what a normal friendship looks like, but it feels very one sided.

You've become her stand by child sitter!
Your son and her son get on, so the next time your son goes to hers, suggest that they're getting older now and your son doesn't want you there.
When she asks you to collect her son from school, I would suggest saying that you have something on and aren't able to do it.
Please read up on Google about h0ow to stop people pleasing.

Sorry op she's using you I've had friends like this. She won't change she's probably bitching about you. Why not say I've got to do something so can't help and keep doing this until. She stops asking. When she invites your dc say ooh that will be great as could do with some me time? I can collect whenever suits you. Start phasing her out of your life. Good luck.

She's treating you like dirt. This is not a friendship by any stretch of the imagination.

how can you hurt her feelings? seriously?
B1rd is right : I would add that you are now a useful acquaintance
to her but she is not what you might call a friend - good luck!

Life’s too short for this! Just don’t be available.

She ISN'T a friend. She doesn't ask about you or your life. She takes advantage of your good nature by expecting you to collect her kid such a lot. Worst than that, she bitches about other people behind their backs - which means she could well be doing the same about you. She's not a pleasant person at all.

Thank you everyone. You’ve confirmed what I’ve thought, I just really second guess myself. I am sensitive and am definitely a people pleaser so wonder if I’m overreacting but I’ve felt like this for a long time now. You’re all right. I’ll make myself unavailable to her from now on with the hope it will just gradually fade out.

I’ve often thought if she bitches about her friends so much to me she must be doing it about me to others as well.

Friends should make you feel better about yourself.
It's taken m many years to realise this!

You can’t do this without upsetting her.

But you can’t continue to be “friends” with her, without it upsetting you.

She sounds like a complete user. She uses you for free childcare and school pick ups and when you go to her house you help with the housework! Nice! That’s bad enough, but the bitching and all the one way traffic about her life and her job means she has zero interest in you as a friend, just in what she can get out of you.

You need to drop her like a stone, asap. A warning though, these type of shameless users will be hard to shift. She’ll probably try to guilt you into still doing pick ups or whatever. You need to be very tough - resist all of her bullshit and be permanently unavailable and slow fade. Or you could write her an email / letter covering the points you put in your post and let her know exactly you’re ending the so called friendship. Your choice, but stay strong, you are being taken for a mug by her.