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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

aaargh! revisionist history!!

6 replies

Okaygoahead · 07/11/2023 18:42

I wouldn't quite categorize this as gaslighting, but just had an enraging discussion with DH about our plans for next spring. We were supposed to move out of our rental next March, but extended until June. I raised this with the landlord today; he seemed surprised. I couldn't say anything definite, as the discussions have always been between him and my husband. I mentioned LL's confusion to DH today, DH immediately said: where did you get the idea of June? Um, from the signed extended lease, that you explicitly extended, and all the discussions we've had about LL's proposed sale of the property where you've said - no problem, at least he can't kick us out until June. Also, the more minor, but very real, discussions we've had about why we would be mad to move away before spring in this place that is very delightful in spring. And how lucky it is we can accommodate visitors in this lovely space until next June.

I'm just gobsmacked: we've had SO many conversations, and we have a literally signed lease extension, and yet I'm the one who's bonkers for thinking we can be here until June? This may be relevant, but both DH and LL are men who are older than I am - am I dealing with a case of collective older male dementia??

This is obviously not a case of marriage-ending gaslighting - but I'd love to hear your stories of knowing you were absolutely fucking right/justified, and people just kept bleating bullshit at you in opposition. It's mind-boggling!!

OP posts:
ohyesohyesoh · 07/11/2023 18:46

All the fucking time with my husband. I can list what we were wearing , who sat where and said what about a particular topic and he has no sodding clue what I'm talking about.
Children are now at an age where they can 'vouch' for me so it's good to know it's not me going mad but him being ignorant.

DelphiniumBlue · 07/11/2023 18:47

Have you actually seen the signed lease extension? Are you a party to it? I don't think the 2 men have separately "forgotten" about it. I'd be really suspicious about what's going on here. Sorry.

Changingplace · 07/11/2023 18:54

What does your landlord and your DH think is happening then if they don’t think you’ve extended until June but you have an updated contact?

category12 · 07/11/2023 18:58

Did you sign this lease or did he just tell you about it?

Okaygoahead · 07/11/2023 18:58

DelphiniumBlue · 07/11/2023 18:47

Have you actually seen the signed lease extension? Are you a party to it? I don't think the 2 men have separately "forgotten" about it. I'd be really suspicious about what's going on here. Sorry.

Yes, absurdly he showed it to me and then started arguing the opposite. ALL the signatures, ALL the provisos. I really don't want to go there, but he is 75, and I do sometimes worry that he would be able to cover up, mask, whatever, some kind of cognitive decline. Especially that he himself seems especially frightened of cognitive decline, and so all the more likely to try to mask it.

OP posts:
Okaygoahead · 07/11/2023 19:02

Changingplace · 07/11/2023 18:54

What does your landlord and your DH think is happening then if they don’t think you’ve extended until June but you have an updated contact?

Well, now that this signed document has (re-) appeared, I can only hope they will sincerely abide by it! (tbh I don't really care: I'll be ready to move at any time after March). It's just the eternal female cry: why are you all trying to make ME think I'M crazy? And in this case - you are arranging things around me, and my life - did you really think I wouldn't be paying attention??!!

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