I think he had an affair a while back

[Confused118]

Long story short, I got together with my husband about 10 years ago, we got married and have a wonderful child. We get on fine and all my family likes him. When we got together it was a bit awkward as he knew my previous partner pretty well, who then levelled some accusations about him. I didn't listen to him and asked him not to say anything bad about my new partner but looking back my ex was a level headed man and I don't remember him ever lying or making things up about people, i just thought he was upset. We've never really spoke again.

It's 10 years later now and I saw him the other day at a distance and it reminded me about all this and particularly that he told me that my DH was after my sister, had some intimacy with her and then moved onto me. I asked DH this at the time when we got together and he assured me it wasn't true, my sister said the same thing.

I recently asked my sister about this again who told me it wasn't true but I could tell she was lying/cautious about something. I then asked DH who got annoyed and just started criticising my ex but he seemed very bothered by this. Not like the usual arguments we've had.

The more I think about it the more I think my ex had something he was holding back. We were all in a friendship group and DH and my sister had been out together for drinks/dancing loads of times before me and DH got together.

It won't leave my mind and if he and my sister slept together, even if they were both drunk then I think I had a right to know.

I just don't know what to do, me and DH are ok but there's an atmosphere at home and I don't know whether he's annoyed at the accusation or worried that I know more than he thinks.

I understand how you are feeling but it will just drive you insane if you keep thinking about it.
Has something else happened recently for you to be feeling like this and not just seeing old friend.
Are you and your husband in a good place now.
Maybe talk to a counsellor or else it could ruin your marriage and do understand how it is hard to get something out of our heads when we cannot stop obsessing over it.
Look after yourself and talk to someone as it will help you to share how you are feeling and to put it to rest or it will eat you up inside.

i also know that if he had told me when I asked him that yes he had slept with my sister a few weeks before asking me out I would have most probably would have not taken things further

This is the problem - to all those saying she has no right to know if her dh slept with her dsis before he got with her, don’t be ridiculous- of course she has a right to know!

I certainly wouldn’t want to sleep with someone who’d ahem “been” with my dsis, that’s gross.

The problem is that they have both deceived you at the start of this relationship when they should’ve been honest and given you the knowledge and then choice of whether you wished to progress with the relationship or not.

Time for a very frank conversation with your dsis I think.

And if the sister says yes what then?

This post has been great and has really got me thinking and calmed me down. If there was something and admitted then i'd know. Thats all. I think thats fair.

I'm not my sisters best friend and it would upset me a lot if this was true but if this did happen then she can't get upset if I change towards her. I'm not going to tell anyone else about it so it would be between me and her.

I don't want anyone falling out or family arguments. Just the truth. Thanks for all the contributions.