Social Media help please

[Calamitysthename]

I have been a member of MN for over 10 years but this is my first post hence a name change.

I used fiancé's computer and found he had gone onto the profile of 3 colleagues and one of my family members about 3 times over a 5 month period, any collaboration of the 3 at a time! Each time it was log into Facebook, go to his profile, find the friend, go her photos, log out. The time stamp showed only 1 minute between logging in, going to a photo and 1 minute later logging into eBay though.
Other times, 2 minutes to click through a few photos including food pics in-between selfies and then back into a work sites. I really don't know...then there's his phone, he said he looks at profiles on there, like we all do, so he could be looking every day for all I know. The thing is too, if he wants to show me someone he's talking about, he always opens Facebook, finds the friend and shows me them so he does use it to look at others too, but that wasn't evident on his computer.

I know where my mind is going, but the time frames are throwing me. I've been so upset over this for a long time and have tried to think it could be innocent (he's quite a nosy one for a man!) I'm confident there's no messaging.

I've discussed it with my daughter (she's 22) who thinks it's innocent, she said he's nosy, women post far more than men etc etc etc and these 3 do post a lot. However, I can't help but feel he's using those pics for less innocent reasons.

I finally asked him over the weekend, at first he denied looking, but then said he was worried as he knew what I was thinking, then he said he didn't have a reason, just being nosy. He didn't mind that I'd looked through his computer history, he got a bit offended over the accusation, but only momentarily, he didn't get angry, or anything. My daughter thinks I'm mad to consider ending a really good long term relationship over this, I suffer with GAD, so I really struggle to make decisions and as for trusting my gut forget it, my anxiety masks this exceptionally well!

What would you make of this?

(I know I'll be asked why I was looking...I was looking for a site I'd used previously which was useful for my revision and whilst scrolling through found this)

Maybe he was just being nosy. One minute isn’t long enough to “get romantic”. Probably just clicked on things he found interesting.

Fucking hell love you have a real problem and sound super, super controlling. Time stamps???? Why are looking at all this stuff. Go to counselling, for his sake and yours.

I look up exes, the ones that got away, old neighbours, fit Dads at school. Most of the time I do this late at night whilst my DH is next to me snoring. Do I sometimes think what sex would be like with one of the fit dads? Yup. Do I intend to leave my family? Nope. Do I want a relationship with any of these men? Nope. Am I nosey cow? Yup.

I don’t see what he’s doing wrong. Doesn’t everyone use Facebook for these purposes???

"However, I can't help but feel he's using those pics for less innocent reasons."

What reasons would these be and does he have a history of poor behaviour?

Wow - is there a back story to explain why you don’t trust him?

If not, you are way out of control with the level of snooping. I can’t imagine ever going through someone’s browsing history like that, making a log of what they looked and for how long. If I found out my partner was tracking my activity the way you are I’d be seriously questioning the relationship.

Seriously most of us look up random exes former mates, vague acquaintances, old workmates etc on FB when we’re bored. It’s human curiosity, pure nosiness, boredom etc - it means nothing.

Unless there’s a history you haven’t mentioned, you sound obsessive and controlling tbh.

OP, you have a problem.
I say this with care and concern. You need help.
You are controlling and paranoid and you are going to smother this man.
Looking at time stamps? Holy hell, that's just out of control.

And all that because he might be using some pictures for his own pleasure? I get that we may be of a different generation, but would it really be so bad if a man looks at a picture to get himself off? I don't see the problem.

Thanks everyone. I'll answer properly later after work

Back story is mainly my problem but I was with my ex husband since we were children, I only found out at the end of our marriage (23 years later) that he'd cheated A LOT, and I was none the wiser. I know this is unfair to tar my partner with the same brush though.

However, these are all women of a similar age and look, plus my relative. Not the old men in the office! A few years ago we broke up for 2 months because of my serious trust issues, he then went on a leaving do for work and messaged one of these women saying he couldn't believe she'd gone home, but deleted the message, so my mind jumped on that connection and the rest is all above (his amswer fornthat was they went to anorjer pub but she disappeared early). I do agree the time spent probably doesn't point to anything more sinister but i just wanted some other opinions. He also could be doing that for hours on his phone and I'd never know but also, so could anyone in that case so I'd need to live with that uncertainty

I do have GAD, not an excuse at all but a reason for why my mind drives me round the bend. I just want some peace, he's a lovely guy and I do know I'm probably driving him away.

I realise how awful I sound I really do. You've all given me the push I probably needed to get some more help before I truly wreck this. Looks like I owe him a whopping apology too

You really need to be single and to work through your issues before you end up being the perpetrator in what could become an abusive relationship. Your partner will end up walking on eggshells.