I don't know how to handle his behaviour

[iamclassy]

I am struggling with my partner's behaviour/attitude towards me and I don't know how to handle it. Firstly we don't live together so I stay at his a few nights in the week. When it comes to sleep we are both different. He likes to have the tv on and fall asleep to that whereas I find it easier to fall asleep when the room is quiet and dark. 9 times out of 10 it doesn't bother me and I fall asleep in bed with the tv on but there are occasions when the tv is on loud (if he's watching an action film so it is a "noisy" film). At those times I will ask him what volume has has got the tv on and whether he can turn it down or I say I'll go and sleep on the sofa. He never reacts well to me saying this and his reply is always "you are in my house and I'll do what I want". I never know what I can say to that. Secondly I have noticed he speaks rudely towards me and this is happening more and more. If he wants to talk about something he expects me to sit quietly and listen to him. After I have listened to him if I try to say something he shuts me down by telling me to either speak to him later or to "shut up". Another example is the other day I wanted to quickly show him something I had bought which is of sentiment to me. At the time he was on his phone watching the football results and he just looked up at me, huffed and said "show me later because I'm busy". That then turned into an argument with him shouting at me. I am really struggling to talk to him about anything (important or not) and feel he does not "allow" me to talk and I am not listened to. When it comes to wanting/needing to talk to him about something important to me I feel I start the conversation but then he jumps in and before I know it we are talking about him, and his problems and what I wanted to talk about has been overridden so then I just leave it. I'm not sure if I'm being too sensitive or whether his behaviour is actually rude and I'm a fool for accepting it.

He's awful and you don't live with him. The answer is obvious.

And... don't get pregnant.

Take your key back from him

When you're on the doormat, closing his front door behind you, tell him this is your last visit and you won't be treated like this again

Return home and hunt round your gaff for anything and everything that he might claim as his, put it all in bin bags

Visit his place one last time to dump it on his doorstep

Then block him on all platforms and give his number a new name on your phone so that when you missed his call, your phone said 'Uncaring Bastard' called

Live your life without someone treating you like a convenient sex toy with no thoughts in your head or feelings

He’s being horrible to you. No one needs a boyfriend who is horrible to them. Just dump him then block, delete and move on!

Good Lord, have some self respect.
Leave now and make better choices in the future.
There are kind, respectful men out there.

He is treating you with contempt, there’s no way back when you get to that point. Contempt has no place in a relationship.

You deserve to be heard, cared for, and accommodated, in short - loved. Respect basically.

Return to your home, stay there, and never let this brute darken your door again.

OP

Imagine your post being that of someone else - another Mumsnetter. What would you say to them?
Just thank God you are not married to him.

you are in my house and I'll do what I want".

He is incapable of the basic compromise, respect, manners, consideration etc necessary for a functional relationship.

I didn't even read the rest of your post.

There is nowhere to go with this.

Nothing you can do other than end it and find someone else.

(Oh and a man who said the above to me wouldn't get his dick near my lady parts again under any circumstances).

Jesus, what an AH! Dump him already and find someone nice!

My DP enjoys watching telly before bed, but if he even suspects he’s disturbing me, he’ll turn it off and go watch downstairs. If I said to him I was struggling to sleep, he’d either turn it off and sleep himself, or he’d go downstairs. Usually I don’t mind having it on for a while and either watch it with him or just snuggle beside him and close my eyes. But there’s nothing worse than feeling disturbed while trying to sleep.

Well now you know why he has a TV in his bedroom!

Move on. He is not a keeper!

Run for the hills, he’s got communication issues and lack of empathy. I would be calling him my ex-boyfriend from today. Don’t bother explaining yourself to this toad. Just end it. What a shithead he is. Imagine having children with such a moron.

He’s a bully. Thank goodness you don’t live with him. End it now and don’t look back

Just NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN

You owe him no explanation

Just block and move on

I wish women would instead of analysing or ruminating over some wankbadgers behaviour just asked themself "Am I enjoying this" - and when the answer is no, just GO

Kindly, OP, the last half of your last sentence nailed it. This is not a relationship that you want to continue.

Get some therapy to try and understand why you think it's ok for people to treat you like dirt.

Why handle it?

He's unpleasant to you, dismissive of you, isn't interested in you as a person - he doesn't sound like he even likes you much by his behaviour and attitude towards you. Perhaps he says he does, but his actions don't match up.

Surely you can do better?

He sounds like an arsehole.

You need to leave.
He’s a self-centred bully.

Oh come on OP, this is sad to read! Get some therapy to see why you are putting up with this.

I hear a big power imbalance going on . You shouldn’t be staying with him a few nights a week, instead he should be coming to yours a few nights a a week. Once he’s at your place he can go watch telly to the living room (low volume) so you can placidly sleep in your bed. Your house your rules.

This is not about power I’m imbalance but an awful nasty man, switching houses isn’t going to cure that.

Stop normalising abuse.

He never reacts well to me saying this and his reply is always "you are in my house and I'll do what I want". I never know what I can say to that.

I'd be saying "Goodbye!"
He doesn't have much to recommend him, I can't imagine why you would stay to be insulted by such a lowlife.
You don't need to have a big scene, you don't need him to agree with you, you can just do it a low-drama way and say it's not working for you, so goodbye.
If possessions are an issue and you think he'll be difficult ( he will, he's clearly a knob) get your stuff first then say it. Have some one with you if necessary.

What on earth are you still with him for?

Fuck that. Bin him.

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything which no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy.

One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalised and cruelly mocked, but cannot be taken away unless it is surrendered, we don't walk away from people to teach them a lesson, we walk away because we finally learned ours!

This.

Sorry.

@PramPusherCentral This is not about power I’m imbalance but an awful nasty man, switching houses isn’t going to cure that.

There's a power imbalance the moment you start travelling to your partners home whenever you want to spend the night with him. Travelling for a man then spending the time at his is a mistake women make. And yes, he's a nasty c-nt and she needs to get rid of him asap.