I feel like my hubby does not respect our relationship

[Shebeautiful]

Ladies ! Say your man leaves the house to go away to celebrate a friends birthday. Prior to him leaving, you and him have been kind of shaky for days and When he leaves you and him are on really bad terms. He initially says he will only be gone for the weekend (Friday-Sunday). While he’s away you and him get into an argument, and he tries to make peace after the argument, texting you here and there saying he misses you, he loves you, and wish he was with you. Little stuff, but you guys barely speak for the weekend. Anyway, the weekend finishes and he still stays at the friend house. Monday comes, he says he will be coming home soon. Monday night, he text and says he will be staying another night because he has a “headache” and doesn’t want to drive out till morning. The whole time you and him still aren’t even back 100 yet, haven’t had a proper conversation, and he’s been gone since Friday. How would you feel ???

I'd feel like I was a guest from the Jeremy Kyle show. It all sounds very immature.

I'd be unimpressed - would break up with him

Depends what the argument was about and how I responded when this happened:

While he’s away you and him get into an argument, and he tries to make peace after the argument, texting you here and there saying he misses you, he loves you, and wish he was with you. Little stuff, but you guys barely speak for the weekend

Hmmmm

I think you didn't want him to go so continued the argument

Hes tried to make things right and you haven't accepted that

No wonder he doesn't want to come back

I have a few thoughts on this one.

Mind me asking what these arguments are about and who initiates them? That provides a lot of context... if it's money issues say, and it's a general unpleasantness, you have every right to want it resolved... but if it's something 'petty' like him getting snapped at because 'bad day', or coffee ring in the table, that's a different story.

When he went all lovey and tried to resolve the issue, did you reciprocate, or did you maintain the cold shoulder? If so, I wouldn't blame him for wanting to stay away longer... he's having a nice time, and anyone would want to prolong it before going back to coldness.

Second (sorry), I don't know many guys that would want to stay at a friend's or indeed, any friends that would want me for that long... are you sure he's where he says he is?

As others have said it depends on what the arguments are about.

I take a dim view of him trying to make things up with you and you rebuffing that though.

It’s hard to say without more context but the post does hint at ‘person resents partner going away so picks a fight and ruins it for them’ situation. Which is shitty but seemingly rather common.

Yes I think the context of the argument is crucial too.

Why would you get into an argument with someone when they are away?

Why would you not accept his efforts to make it up afterwards?

Because I've been here long enough to know that, if you'd been the one to go away, you'd ended up arguing with your partner at home, and you'd tried to apologise/make things right and they'd refused to accept it, there would have been plenty of people advising you to stay away for a couple of extra days rather than go home to more hostility. And you'd also be told that he was trying to ruin your fun, he was jealous and controlling, he wasn't a keeper and to dump him.

And, tbh, they'd probably have been right.

He is with a woman. Mind you, I would have left also if you tried ruin my weekend away with arguments

As a PP said, it sounds like you resented him going away and tried to sabotage his weekend by keeping the argument going. In his shoes, I wouldn’t be rushing back either.

That’s a LOT of arguing over many days before, during and after The weekend. What was it about and how shaky?

We argued about a birthday cake for his daughters birthday dinner. It was actually very small but turned into something big because he disrespected me and embarrassed me in front of our kids and his mom. The same friend that he went out of town for asked me to go pick up a birthday cake for his daughter that she had already paid for and put a Barbie doll that she also bought on top of it cause she wouldn’t be able to
do it. I did as I was asked and he ended up getting upset with me and felt like I should have had more sense then to put the doll on the cake because he felt it didn’t look right (silly and small right? Yeah I know). It turned into something bigger when he decided to yell and say hurtful things in front of his mother and our kids leaving me feeling embarrassed. He never apologized for it either just came home after everything and wanted to act as if nothing happened. So that is where everything stemmed from.

I actually did not resent him and was not upset about him going because I knew about it far before the arguments. I was more so upset with the way he left (not speaking to me, packed his thinks and just walked out the door).

Never tried to ruin anything with arguments the things we were arguing about had nothing to do with his weekend getaway. I was actually fine with him going away just didn’t like the way he left

The argument started from something small but turned into something more big when he disrespected me and embarrassed me in front of his mother and our kids and never apologized. While he was away we never argued about him being away I had no issue with that. We argued about the way he left. He packed his things and never said one word to me as I sat there and just walked out the door. He never apologized either maybe I wasn’t specific enough in my intial
post. After we argued he just randomly start texting me he loved me and he missed me but nothing was ever resolved.

i never picked an argument with and we never argued about him going away i was perfectly fine with him going away and the arguments we had prior to him leaving had absolutely nothing to do with that

How often are you having big blow ups like this over completely trivial, insignificant things?

Sorry OP but it doesn't sound healthy at all, especially not if it's happening in front of the children.

I think calling him ‘hubby’ is enough for him to run away ! Sounds like you are talking about a pet dog or something !

Besides that - I doubt any mate would want him having around that long - even on a Monday - do they not have work ? Maybe he wasn’t where you think he was

Do you actually know where he is? If he was seeing another woman then picking a fight like he did and THEN being loving whilst away smackes of justification (we’re not getting on, thats why I’m meeting OW) and guilt (what am I doing to my wife who loves me) to me.

Sorry OP... the minute that someone says that they 'disrespected me' I feel for the other person.

Oh please 🙄

I wouldn’t expect my partner to speak to me whilst they were away.

Its a conversation that needs to be done in person.

I would be very annoyed that he’s not come home for an extra 2 days, especially if you have kids that need looking after.

I think you should look up the word hubby and not judge people off of how they choose to speak.