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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He said he felt blocked

14 replies

Julianna7 · 06/11/2023 23:06

This was my third date with a man. At the end of the date I went in his car in orden to go to mine. He parked and we Talk. After a while he told me he felt blocked and that I wanted to kiss him cause I looked two times to his lips.
I'm not sure if a did that, but he started to say that he can't kiss me because he must be sure 100% he wants a relationship and he has affective responsibility. But he still wanna date me.
He told me he hurted the feelings of a girl last year because she wanted a relationship and he dont and they had intercourse...
i dont know what to think

OP posts:
flannelonthesink · 06/11/2023 23:10

If I'm staring at someone's lips it's usually because they're crusty and I want to suggest they pop on some lip balm. He sounds odd, OP.

Julianna7 · 06/11/2023 23:11

Thank you!! You made me laugh!

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 06/11/2023 23:16

Hes trying to get intercourse without emotional investment or intimacy.
Let him date you...but id say as you .... don't want kisses atm..i must say im same about intercourse...i need to make sure i want relationship. Youll soon know if he just looking for sex instead of intimacy

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/11/2023 23:18

Er, don’t see him again! Making assumptions, slathering his issues all over the place, making it all about him - run a mile.

TomatoSandwiches · 06/11/2023 23:18

He sounds manipulative.
Do you like him?

Specso · 06/11/2023 23:28

He’s a weirdo. Bin.

Pinkbonbon · 06/11/2023 23:33

I think he has precognition. Because if you have any sense, you're about to block him xD

As pp said, he sounds manipulative.

First, the kiss presumption. And secondly, the presumption that a kiss will also mean sex. To make you feel like a kiss and sex are in any way the same thing when of course they aren't.

It's sort of like reverse psychology trick in that if there's a kiss in future because he's 'decided to choose you', then psychology wise you'll also feel obligated to sleep with him then too. Because he's put them on the same level of value and intimacy. He's downplayed sex by elevating a simple kiss goodnight.

I think he was maybe also trying to lead you into saying you would be willing to have sex without commitment. Either that or he is trying too hard to convince you he is trying to be a decent guy.

Saying 'hey so just so you know, I don't have sex until I like someone' is fine. But not in the delivery he put it in. The 'I hurt some other girl' is also a warning to you. It's a sort of get out of jail free card for him so that he can go 'I told you what I was like and you still had sex with me'. Because I guarantee you, he will push for sex in the near future. And you'll assume its because he hws decided he likes you. It is not. He's playing a game.

I'd give this one a swerve.

Julianna7 · 06/11/2023 23:34

Yes. But now he made me feel rejected even if i didn't try to kiss him
I'm confused. I always go slowly with relationships and usualy I wait several dates to have sex but always men were interested in physical contact. This one rejected an imaginary kiss

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 06/11/2023 23:37

Team swerve

Oh yeah you want him so bad but he just isn't going to let you, he's going to be strong and not have sex because you'll just want to be with him forever and he doesn't know of he can give you that.... And then when he conceded because he just can't help himself, you'll be so special you'll just have to have sex with him.

No.

Pinkbonbon · 06/11/2023 23:40

Yeah he's setting you up for never really knowing where you stand with him.

Fuck.that.

Julianna7 · 06/11/2023 23:40

Thanks for the Wise advise ❤

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 06/11/2023 23:41

Hes making out hes all hard to get etc but if you jumped on him for sex, he would do it. Hes just playing and manipulating you

Blackandwhitemakesgrey · 06/11/2023 23:41

He wants to have sex with you without commitment to a relationship. When you have sex and get hurt, he will say that he told you how it was from the beginning so your hurt is not his responsibility. Then he will waltz out of your life and spin the same story to the next woman.

Pinkbonbon · 06/11/2023 23:45

If you're looking for the ideal brush off, I'd go with
'Thanks for the date earlier but I think you might be a little bit too complicated for me. I was just looking for something light and uncomplicated, all the best'.

That way he's thinking 'oh shit, she would have been up for no strings (because thats what players like him imagine 'light and uncomplicated' to mean) and I fucked it up by trying to headfuck her'. It also paints him out to be a full on crazy headfuck, which I guarantee, is what he planned to do to you down the line after driving you to the point of madness.

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