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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why is my partner using dating app

36 replies

Again12 · 06/11/2023 21:28

Partners been weird and distant. His phone kept going off and he had fallen asleep. I looked. he's joined up to zoosk. He's under a fake name and put himself 2 years younger.
Wtf do I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Again12 · 07/11/2023 06:52

Hiya yes I do. We've dated and had a relationship and a gap apart over the course of 3.5 years.

You know when you just know. I have been so low and depressed the last couple of weeks. I could sense it. The way he was using his phone. His body language. His lack of interest in me and if I was OK. Just seemed moody aswel. If I asked questions he'd say I had issues.

I think it's almost a relief to know I'm not creating it. I dont wanna think about the fact he's laid their doing that whilst I'm at work etc.

OP posts:
Aurasauras · 07/11/2023 06:56

He has checked out of the relationship. I am sorry. He will cheat if he gets the chance.

Original poster
Again12 · 07/11/2023 07:11

Oh yeah I agree. It's fine if that's how he feels I don't want to be bothering him. He can go enjoy himself and find something better.

OP posts:
Original poster
Again12 · 07/11/2023 14:02

Heard nothing from him yet.

OP posts:
B1rd · 07/11/2023 21:53

He's trying to inflate his ego after he lost his job. But this is no reason to go back. Please don't try and there, there, there him.

Pinkbonbon · 07/11/2023 22:00

I think men can feel emasculated when out of work. And trying to be nice and help them perhaps just makes them feel worse because traditionally men are meant to be the 'providers'. So having us take care of them probably only breeds resentment, for the ones with fragile egos at least.

All entirely his issue of course. Projecting his self loathing onto other people in his life and using it as an excuse to treat you badly and cheat. Not the sort of person you want to spend your life with.

Original poster
Again12 · 08/11/2023 05:43

Hiya nope. He contacted me eventually yesterday about getting 2 things I'd left there or he'd chuck them. He then blamed me and said it was a hacked emailed but it serves me right for going through his phone. He then continued to blame me for my behaviour and said he won't fight for a relationship that's dead.

I feel quite calm considering. I told him.last night he's lost me I've given up and that if I mattered to him he will fix it.

Only he knows what goes on in his head. But yes I think being out of work and boredom have led him to stray.

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 08/11/2023 09:44

Pinkbonbon · 07/11/2023 22:00

I think men can feel emasculated when out of work. And trying to be nice and help them perhaps just makes them feel worse because traditionally men are meant to be the 'providers'. So having us take care of them probably only breeds resentment, for the ones with fragile egos at least.

All entirely his issue of course. Projecting his self loathing onto other people in his life and using it as an excuse to treat you badly and cheat. Not the sort of person you want to spend your life with.

Oh come on..thats just excuse..hes not a child. Emasculated? Then he should have been more proactive in getting a job. I make no excuses for these shit heads.
Its nothing to do with being emasculated...he did the same to his ex. He just wanted to get away with it.

Loubelle70 · 08/11/2023 09:47

Again12 · 08/11/2023 05:43

Hiya nope. He contacted me eventually yesterday about getting 2 things I'd left there or he'd chuck them. He then blamed me and said it was a hacked emailed but it serves me right for going through his phone. He then continued to blame me for my behaviour and said he won't fight for a relationship that's dead.

I feel quite calm considering. I told him.last night he's lost me I've given up and that if I mattered to him he will fix it.

Only he knows what goes on in his head. But yes I think being out of work and boredom have led him to stray.

Honestly OP...you dont want him to fix it surely?. Block him!! On everything..hes been found out and is being defensive.

Maze76 · 08/11/2023 09:51

Why have you given him the option to ‘fix it’? If you want him back then take him back- just don’t complain when he treats you worse, (which he will because he got away with it this time) and when you find out he’s on all the ‘free’ sites and has or intends to physically cheat.

bluejelly · 08/11/2023 09:58

I'm so sorry OP. You did the right thing. Don't listen to any more of his BS. You deserve so much better. Onwards and upwards!

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