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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think we're toxic....not sure who's fault it is

1 reply

chocolateaddict231 · 06/11/2023 13:35

Hope you had a lovely weekend and thanks for reading.

Three years ago I was in a relationship with someone I was very in love with and I was cheated on. It was then made worse by how he acted afterwards, lying about it and realistically, he also gaslighted me about it. It was rough and he left me a few weeks after I found out, he had no patience with me getting over it.

I always thought about him for two years of not speaking, despite dating others and trying to move on. I went to counselling for it but felt very insecure after the break up. Earlier this year he got back in touch to say he realised he messed up, he was very sorry and hated himself over what happened. I was thrilled to hear from him but it feels very messy since. I communicate my feelings and I'm not sure if i'm being overly emotional or if he's just bad at communicating..... I analyse every word between us and I wish I never replied to him earlier this year. I bet he regrets getting back in touch cos it feels kinda toxic. We have kissed but I've stopped it going further than that. He says he wants marriage, kids etc with me now.

Last night I couldn't sleep thinking of us, the feelings it brought up is rough and it's coming up to three years since he cheated (yes, I even remember the date!). I'm not really sure what my question is but I can't continue feeling this way xx

OP posts:
Neverseenthatmuchjunkinthetrunkbefore · 06/11/2023 13:49

This is really strange. I met and married the love of my life 40 years ago. I sometimes dream about him and it is exactly your scenario. He comes back but doesn’t heal the pain- he didn’t come back in real life! Interestingly, he always goes away again- sometimes in my dream he does this shit several times. I always feel very insecure in the dream, like I don’t believe him and can’t trust him to stay this time.

You don’t sound sure about this new turn of events. You can’t go back to how it was; you will need to find a different relationship between the two of you. Do you really want him back? Took me nearly 35 years to really get over mine, but I’d have had him back in a shot.

Sorry- not sure how helpful my post is.

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