Double life

[Sarah28191106]

My 36 year old daughter had been in a relationship with Royal Marine for 10 years. She has now found out that he has in fact married with a family and she may not be the only one he has been stringing along. The relationship has been controlling and coercive, feeding her the crumbs from the table. She is devastated as she had put her future on hold, waiting for his promises of retiring from the forces, a home together and family. She is in complete shock having been betrayed. He is now ghosting her, having messaged to say he owes her no explanation. As her Mum, it's so sad to see her heartbroken. I'm incensed with anger and feel he should be at least held to account for misconduct as a Royal Marine, having no integrity. I'm not sure how to go about this though, and whether or not anyone would care. 😥

Feel sorry for your daughter, but I wouldn't waste trying to report him for an affair it's ridiculous. He's a soldier not a priest. Tell your daughter never to put her life 'on hold' for any man or woman! Lashing out like that will make you look unhinged. Tell your daughter she is young and free to do whatever she wants with her life

Oh poor thing. Agree with @PierceMorgansChin he’s wasted enough of her time. Move on.

actually adultery is punishable in the marines

Well today I learned. My point still stands. Cutting him off and dignified silence would be my response of choice rather than showing everyone what a great power he held over me and how he was able to ruin my life with his actions. That kind of retaliation makes you feel better for a minute but to me, personally is a bit pathetic. He is a cheating lying scumbag who deserves no more of this lady's time. That's what I would tell my daughter

Adultery is actually punishable in the marines, up to I think dishonourable discharge. They actually take it quite seriously that they hold marines to a higher standard than civilians.

However realistically I think the complaint would likely have to come from his wife. It might be best to let it go and try and help your daughter heal OP. I really feel for her, ten years... She must be reeling.

See, that what happens when you put a group of people on pedestal and try and 'hold them to a different standard'. He is a piece of shit, make no mistake, but fuck him, trying to ruin his life would only prove how much I care. I would stop caring. And how about we teach our daughters not to 'give 10 years' to any man. I think he is irrelevant and all effort and time should be spend on the daughter. I wish her well

Thank you

I suppose your daughter could do both: move on and get happy and do a bit of detective work, see what she can uncover about the bastard, and report him to his superiors, too.

What you suggesting is mutually exclusive. If she stalks him she's very far from moving on

Yes. I used to work for the army (in a civilian role) and whilst they take complaints like this seriously there are long and detailed quasi-legal processes which take many months, require high standards of proof and even if he is found guilty the outcome is unlikely to be dismissal. Taking this route will certainly not help your daughter to move on.

@Sarah28191106
Support your daughter and stay out of it beyond that. Your goal should be on helping to alleviate your daughter's pain, not on punishing him. Whatever he was, your daughter was content to live with him and his behavior..

If you want to fix of repair something, help your daughter to find some therapy to help her repair herself and to understand why she was so tolerant of unacceptable behavior

How did she find out that he’s married? I would want to tell the wife. (Feel like she needs to know what a dick her DH is.) Agree that your DD needs serious counselling and the Freedom Program.

it would have to be his wife who made the complaint for them to take it further

Stay out of it op

They are all at it

If I were you/your daughter I would absolutely tell his wife and his commanding officer.

That poor woman & your poor daughter.
He has been breaking the consent of both women.

There is no better definition of dishonourable.

Who says he's actually a Royal Marine? I would assume he'd lied about that the same as everything else.

What exactly is it that happens when we hold a group of people to higher standards?

THIS happens. They prove us wrong. You must be a dimwit if you had to ask given the context of a thread

🙄

The relationship has been controlling and coercive, feeding her the crumbs from the table

You need to get your daughter the support she needs to recover from an abusive relationship and to learn what healthy relationships look like.

If he's a knob he's highly qualified to be a Royal Marine. Never met one yet who isn't a knob and I'm a veteran.

He’s probably not even a Royal Marine