My 5 year old is SO easily influenced by others - no sense of self

[Thefirstime]

Why might this be? I see some very strong characters.. although he is at home, out in the big wide world he is often overlooked, doesn’t speak up, fades into the background and copies his closest friends to the point of speaking and acting like them, liking what they like and being too shy for most things..

myself and DH are definite introverts and don’t have busy, active social lives..

some ppl have said covid is very much to blame.. the kids weren’t exposed to enough.. which maybe true..

he is an only child.. also showing signs of being highly sensitive..

any advice much appreciated x

He's still very young. Wait and see how he develops over the next year or two - but in all honesty, I don't think it matters very much as long as he's happy.

He seems to have quite severe anxiety at times which we are keeping a close eye on.. I wouldn’t say he’s a massively happy kid tbh.. doesn’t like school, struggles at times with being socially anxious

Neurodivergent?

What are your suspicions OP?

I am autistic, and was overlooked as a child with autism, but had clear indicators from the get go.

Have you raised this with his school? Your GP?

Children learn about the world and how safe it is etc from their primary caregivers.

When you say you and your husband are introverts. Is that what you mean or do you mean you're quiet and avoid socialising and social interactions?

If you want him to believe the world is a safe place and act accordingly then he needs to learn that from you.

He still might be quiet and less confident, which is fine, but the best way for him to learn about the world is from his parents.

He's only 5 too so still very young. There's plenty of time for him to learn!

Mt GS is the same. Also 5. Generally hates school and is very shy.

I think for shy children Covid had a massive impact that will be researched for a long time.

Make sure he has strong attachments to trusted people. Encourage him to pursue interests but not rigidly, particularly creative outlets and clubs with like minded children. Build his confidence and self esteem.

The above obviously doesn't apply if he is autistic but it's worth trying whilst you pursue it. It's currently a very lengthy process.

How best to build confidence and self esteem in a young child??

Does this come from the parents also?

thanks

Yes, as a parent you need to teach him self confidence and belief.

He is only 5 - rather than seeing if he has any issues, I would be looking to help him develop.

You may be introverted but that's no reason not to support him through this - you would have learned how to deal with people and situations through your life experiences. Time to pass that on..

Following with interest.

This sounds very much like my son, too.

To be honest, I’ve struggled with self confidence and belief my whole life.. this will be difficult for me to pass down!

Children do copy their peers, that's quite a normal thing.

To build up his confidence get him taking responsibility for things. Making choices. And then back them up rather than question or overrule him. Talk to him and listen to what he's got to say. Let him know that he matters.

Don't assume he can't do things. Encourage him to get to the top of the climbing frame or fill his own water bottle without telling him to be careful.

All of these little things add up and let him know he is a capable person who can do things and have his own opinion.

I don't know what the answer is but my dd is the same. I actually overheard a playmate say "she just copies everything I do!" recently which has really played on my mind. Solidarity.

What sorts of social experiences does he have? Are you supporting him in interacting with others?

I don't really think anything you're saying sounds all that surprising for a 5 year old. Some of them are loud and pushy and outgoing (these ones are often quite annoying, frankly), some of them are quiet and take it all in first and quite sensitive.

I have a 5 year old as well, who is quite quiet and sensitive, but still has good friends and lots of socialising. COVID didn't impact on that as he was still in nursery (except for a couple months during the first lockdown when they closed). He still played with friends at the playground (we parents just kept our distance from each other). We still went out and did things. Some of them are just more quiet sensitive souls, which is perfectly normal.

Is he in Y1? Do you know who is close friends are in school? Can you arrange to meet up with them for a playdate? Ideally the ones who play in similar ones (not the really loud pushy bossy ones). Find something he really enjoys doing and encourage it (a martial art, rugby, swimming, art, playing an instrument), so he has the experience of trying something new and gaining confidence at it.

Updates ? How are they now ? X.

I think concentrate on building a strong family unit, values and traditions. Time with close family and friends. It will give him a strong sense of identity that can be used as a shield. I do think loss of religion and too much time outside the family unit has exacerbated this so that more kids and young adults feel lost. And I’m in no way religious