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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I feel alone

29 replies

Airbuss · 05/11/2023 09:21

Something quite serious has happened in my life - quite life changing
I’ve told three of my best friends and my sister
None of them have bothered to pick up the phone once
Plenty of WhatsApp msgs all weekend but no call

I have never felt so alone or uncared for

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 05/11/2023 09:39

So very sorry OP, but take heart that they have all messaged you, which tends to be the main way many people communicate these days. Some people find the sharing of personal news by phone very difficult and dont know quite what to say. Do you think it could be that?

Original poster
Airbuss · 05/11/2023 09:44

Thanks Seaoftroubles I genuinely think people don’t give a shit. A quick phone call is all it would take. But I’m not important enough. I have felt so alone in life and this simply confirms it.

OP posts:
HattieBrown · 05/11/2023 09:54

If i was told via text, id assume you didnt want a phone call, as you may be too upset to talk and prefer to text. I would however ask if you wanted me to pop over to see you in person

Original poster
Airbuss · 05/11/2023 10:01

Thanks HattieBrown I asked two of my friends and my sister to call me. None have.

OP posts:
Original poster
Airbuss · 05/11/2023 10:02

It’s quite frightening being completely on your own.

OP posts:
PierceMorgansChin · 05/11/2023 10:08

Seaoftroubles · 05/11/2023 09:39

So very sorry OP, but take heart that they have all messaged you, which tends to be the main way many people communicate these days. Some people find the sharing of personal news by phone very difficult and dont know quite what to say. Do you think it could be that?

Exactly this! Majority of communications nowadays happens via WhatsApp and you said you've had messages coming through all weekend. You sent a message yourself to inform your friends and family they might have thought you are too upset to talk

Seaoftroubles · 05/11/2023 12:44

OP, perhaps open up to one of them ( whichever one you feel closest to) and say you would really love a chat as you are feeling low. Perhaps they haven't realised quite how down you are feeling? Some people are scared to get involved and don't handle serious news very well, l know quite a few like that who are poor at empathetic communication! lts shit though, when all you want is a chat and a bit of support. Sending you an unmumsnetty hug and virtual flowers.x

Original poster
Airbuss · 05/11/2023 13:06

Thanks all
I’ve been there for my friends and family
I go above and beyond
ive told them how upset I am and could they call
a couple said they’d call yesterday
not a peep
it’s just laziness and carelessness
ive been here before, it’s not new

it’s just scary being completely on your own

I can’t believe my life has turned out this way

OP posts:
onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 05/11/2023 13:48

I'm so sorry you're having such a crap time, but if you want to talk on the phone why haven't you called them? You say they've messaged you, which is what I would personally choose to do too, and that you've asked them to call. Surely you could call them?

CaramelShortcakes · 05/11/2023 13:50

I’ve had the same but have not had any messages from anymore never mind a phone call so you are in a better position than a lot of people. If you want to speak call them.

Original poster
Airbuss · 05/11/2023 13:50

Because I don’t want to impose if they’re busy etc I asked them to call me when they’re free

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 05/11/2023 13:51

Why don't you call them?

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 05/11/2023 14:47

Airbuss · 05/11/2023 13:50

Because I don’t want to impose if they’re busy etc I asked them to call me when they’re free

I'm sorry, but they could be feeling exactly the same way. They do t know when it's a good time to call you, hence the messages.

Original poster
Airbuss · 05/11/2023 15:04

I’ve told them to call any time they are free

One has just called bur only had 10 mins

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 05/11/2023 15:07

That is a bit shitty. If someone happens to one of my close friends I’ll always call or say let me know when you’re free and I’ll call. Sure it’s nice they have messaged but sometimes you want to chat

Eve223 · 05/11/2023 15:10

You aren't alone. You have friends - 3 best friends no less - and a sister.

Some people have no friends at all and no family.

Original poster
Airbuss · 05/11/2023 15:13

thanks Zanatdy I would have called them too. Not anymore.

Eve223 yes but I never, ever see them and they can’t even call in my time of need. I feel
extremely alone.

OP posts:
CaramelShortcakes · 05/11/2023 15:15

Eve223 · 05/11/2023 15:10

You aren't alone. You have friends - 3 best friends no less - and a sister.

Some people have no friends at all and no family.

Exactly

PierceMorgansChin · 05/11/2023 15:16

Airbuss · 05/11/2023 15:13

thanks Zanatdy I would have called them too. Not anymore.

Eve223 yes but I never, ever see them and they can’t even call in my time of need. I feel
extremely alone.

Don't know what you are going through but hope it gets better for you. Have you considered calling Samaritans? They are there to listen if what you need is to get stuff of your chest

Original poster
Airbuss · 05/11/2023 15:20

Thanks 🙏🏽 PierceMorgansChin

OP posts:
spookehtooth · 05/11/2023 15:26

You never know what other people's lives are like, try not to assess too much too fast. No-one shares their entire inner world.

A slightly extreme lesson for me was splitting up with a long term partner back in 2018. I didn't hear from my brother for over a week. Turns out he'd started a 10 day retreat when I called zero comms, so he had no idea. By the time he came out, my first message had expired and he only got the second message, which complained about not hearing from him but said nothing of events. He called when he could, and couldn't have done better.

There's an array of possibilities between that and "not caring", I try to make my mind up on people over time as much as possible

LostandLockeddown · 05/11/2023 15:38

I'm sorry you're feeling like this.

I think my circle has shrunk as I got older. I think you did a good thing asking them to call you. It is good that your friend did call even if only for a few minutes.

I don't think people who have close family and partners really think about how lonely it can be when you don't have this.

I've used this site under so many usernames to share deeply difficult things and get support. I know it isn't the same as having a friend there with you, but it's not nothing. Do you think you could share what's happened? Even if you don't want advice and just need someone to hear how you feel?

BayandBlonde · 06/11/2023 14:12

You've had a call but complained it was only 10 minutes. 10 minutes is better than nothing, maybe that's why no one else has called because they know it's going to be 'hours' long phone call.

I am sorry you are going though a shit time, I can relate to having really bad news and just want to let off steam to someone and they pity me for hours on end......but that's a bit selfish. It's emotionally draining for everyone.

Maybe Samaritans will help?

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/11/2023 14:23

What’s so vital about a call? You’ve had multiple exchanging many WhatsApp chats with you all weekend, and a call now, and you’re complaining you’re all alone and suggesting no one loves you. You’re demonstrably not alone.

Do they agree this event is as serious as you think it is? You’re being very dramatic and it’s best to accept the contact people are willing and able to give you rather than trying to dictate their methods of communication.

Seaoftroubles · 06/11/2023 17:34

OP some people lack empathy are not good at offering support. Sad but true! It's horrible to feel that you are on your own though, and not a priority to others. Maybe it's time to make new friends in the future? Your sister you can't do much about, but friends you can, and these sound pretty self absorbed if they can't even spare time for a phone call. I think l would definitely be re thinking my friendship group.