Expecting too much or too sensitive to rejection?

[hopefulsandwich]

Really struggling with working out if I’m being too sensitive to rejection or if I’m in a relationship that genuinely isn’t working out. I have ADHD and a history of childhood neglect, which means I tend to be on hyper alert for rejection all the time (basically because my own family rejected me).

I’ve been seeing someone a few weeks and we get on amazingly well. There’s attraction between us but I always felt something was a little off. When things got physical he admitted he has a lot of anxiety around sex/affection. So sexually things have been pretty much non-existent. That explained some of what felt off but I also couldn’t help but feel there was something more. Then he said we couldn’t sleep in the same bed because he snores and has other health issues.

We aren’t in as frequent contact as I would like during the week but we usually see each other at weekends. Am I expecting too much too soon? Friends say I should wait a while and see how things go. I’m 43 I don’t want to waste my time. I hate having these doubts and anxiety so early on.

If it feels off then he's not for you

Trust your instincts and leave before you get attached

I have ADHD and rejection sensitivity also.

without wanting to sound crude - you are in the early stages of a relationship and you should be wanting to rip eachothers clothes off!! His ‘stay back’ tactics at this early stage aren’t your issue but his

with love and respect to you - I’d let this one go. If he wants you, he’ll come back

I think you should cut your losses.

Someone with sex/affection anxiety and someone with rejection sensitivity is not a good match.

If something is feeling off after only a few weeks, it's not a good sign and you should listen to that feeling.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I think I probably need a lot of reassurance early on in relationships and for whatever reason I’m not getting it. He is distant and although that may be because he’s anxious or scared it isn’t really my problem.

And yes - it’s crossed my mind that we should be wanting to be affectionate and sexual with each other all the time not wanting to avoid it. In the past I put too much emphasis on sex but putting no emphasis on it and pretending it doesn’t matter isn’t good either.

I think I need to accept that yet again, I’ve chosen someone emotionally unavailable.

It is not you, it is the dating pool at this age- most single people I have met in my 40s have been emotionally unavailable. In fact, I think I have only met only one seemingly emotionally available person in the last 5 years. So I am sorry to say your experience is quite common. But I agree that this is likely going to cause more anxiety than it is worth tolerating for your own sake.

Thanks - that’s really helpful. Each time I keep thinking I have a magnet for emotionally unavailable people but it makes sense to think of there not being many out there in my age bracket (particularly online).