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Original poster

My good friends grandmother died gift suggestions

16 replies

IfKipling · 04/11/2023 22:55

My friends grandmother passed away. She was more of a mother figure. She is travelling abroad for the funeral. I would love to get her something before she leaves but I can’t think of anything since flowers won’t really work due to the travelling. I’d appreciate any suggestions. Thx

OP posts:
CyberCritical · 04/11/2023 23:03

Personally I don't think gifts for a bereavement are appropriate. When I lost my parents I appreciated contact with people more than bunches of flowers. Particularly a few weeks after the loss.

What I found each time was that everyone and his dog contacted me in the first few days but then a few weeks later when I actually wanted to be around people again, start getting back to normal, all of a sudden people were unavailable or seemed uncomfortable around me like they didn't know what to say.

The best thing you could give her right now is to tell her you are sorry for her loss, offer any practical support you are able to and then follow up in a few weeks and thereafter. Follow her lead.

Original poster
IfKipling · 04/11/2023 23:09

Sorry for your loss @CyberCritical and thank you for the suggestion.

She is heading off more or less immediately to the funeral for a couple of weeks for us to be of much practical support at this end so I wanted to drop by tomorrow with a token before I do what you suggest when she gets back. She is an extremely close family friend, more like family really so we will definitely be there when she gets back.

OP posts:
CyberCritical · 04/11/2023 23:13

How about a card and a meal for the freezer so that when she gets home she knows that there is something home cooked by someone who loves and cares for her ready to be eaten so she doesn't have to think about it. Or an offer to stock her up on basics the day before she returns so she has milk, bread, tea, coffee etc waiting for her.

Northernsouloldies · 05/11/2023 02:20

Personally I wouldn't, gifts are for happy events. Just be there for if she needs you when she returns.

HattieBrown · 05/11/2023 09:52

A sympathy card and flowers, plus your shoulder to cry on if needed. Thats all you should offer at the moment

Aprilx · 05/11/2023 10:02

I wouldn’t send anything more than a card. I would not want a gift in this circumstances, gifts are for happy events or rewards, they are things you can keep and think fondly of. I would not want wish to have a vase commemorating the day my mother died. I really don’t think you should get a gift however well intended.

Original poster
IfKipling · 05/11/2023 10:08

Thanks so much for the advice. I really appreciate it. I’m going to take it.

OP posts:
Quitelikeacatslife · 05/11/2023 10:30

A card is perfect for now and maybe some flowers towards Christmas letting her know that you know it will be hard for her

GellerYeller · 05/11/2023 10:38

My mum -only where she knows someone well and it will be well received- sends a bottle of wine or their favourite drink with a note with words to the effect of ‘save this for when you feel ready to raise a toast to your lovely Nan’. The entire family had a collective whisky as it was my late uncle’s favourite, on his passing. My aunt said it was lovely because it was more personal than flowers.

Mudflaps · 05/11/2023 11:02

Has she a long flight/a lot of travel to get to the funeral? If yes, I'd be tempted to get her a large but lightweight wrap/blanket and tell her it's a hug for when you can't be there to support her. During covid a friend lost their mother, it wasn't unexpected but the funeral was hours away and we were in lockdown, I sent her a large rectangular extremely light scarf I had crocheted with a note saying how sorry I was and how I wished I could give her a hug. Much later I was told she had it wrapped around her a lot during the toughest few days and it seemed to help.

ChaToilLeam · 05/11/2023 11:35

Hope not too late to this, OP. I wouldn’t get her a gift, it really isn’t appropriate. A nice card, and do something thoughtful or helpful for her. I was given a gift after a bereavement and I really didn't ever want to look at it, it was well meant but it just upset me to have it and I gave it away.

TorroFerney · 05/11/2023 11:56

Agree with all others on the no gift. A card with time spent on the words inside that she can keep and read at a later date.

Original poster
IfKipling · 05/11/2023 14:05

Mudflaps · 05/11/2023 11:02

Has she a long flight/a lot of travel to get to the funeral? If yes, I'd be tempted to get her a large but lightweight wrap/blanket and tell her it's a hug for when you can't be there to support her. During covid a friend lost their mother, it wasn't unexpected but the funeral was hours away and we were in lockdown, I sent her a large rectangular extremely light scarf I had crocheted with a note saying how sorry I was and how I wished I could give her a hug. Much later I was told she had it wrapped around her a lot during the toughest few days and it seemed to help.

That is really beautiful. X

OP posts:
hollydoll27 · 05/11/2023 14:12

When a friend was bereaved I sent a card at the time, but a gift of a personalised candle on the anniversary of the loss, so they could light it and have a peaceful moment in their memory. They were really touched as not many people remembered!

Vitriolinsanity · 05/11/2023 18:09

When she gets back send her a little planted gift, hyacinth bulbs this time of year. A note to say that in time these will brighten a dark day and bring a small smile.

category12 · 05/11/2023 18:18

Does she need someone to keep an eye on the house or anything like that?

When she's due back, drop some groceries around so she doesn't need to shop.

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