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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this a mid-life crisis or something else?

4 replies

Powdersnow · 04/11/2023 21:17

I don’t even know which category to post this under.

I’m trying to understand what the hell is going on with my DB. The reason I am concerned is because we have some obvious but undiagnosed MH issues in our family but this might also cause me to overreact.

I absolutely love my brother and he is one of the most important people in my life. There was a lot of dysfunction in our family and I only realised much later how much he did to protect and “parent” me. Long story short is that each parent had a favourite child, but I was “lucky” enough to be favoured by the more normal one.

DB is probably the smartest and logical person I know, but he’s been getting more volatile and somewhat reckless over the last two years. The cynic in me thinks that maybe it’s just what middle aged men are like, but I’m also so nervous that it could be an indicator of MH issues.

It’s now reached the stage where it’s getting a bit uncomfortable. More frequent fights with people, some vengeful or calculated campaigns, now a gf that is had his age 🙄
Still supportive of me but seems somewhat “mechanical” when he talks about others, and it was never this bad.

DH thinks he is as “nuts” as he has ever been but I really see a chance. But then I don’t think I have met someone who went through the whole classical mid life crisis thing so I might be thinking of this incorrectly.
Thank you

OP posts:
itsmyp4rty · 04/11/2023 21:30

Why does your DH think he's always been nuts? What MH issue run in your family? I'm not sure there's really much you can do whatever the case apart from keep and eye on him and see what happens.

Seaoftroubles · 04/11/2023 21:40

This is tricky but could you possibly have an honest chat with your brother and tell him you are worried about him. If he's open to that you could suggest he has a chat with his Dr just as a start. Of course he may not even think he has any issues, but at least you could offer to be a listening ear. Do you think he has any awareness of his behaviour?

Powdersnow · 04/11/2023 22:28

To be honest I can’t 100% say what was going on in our family. Looking at it now my father looks like a stereotype narcissist who loved his son and hated me.
DB was definitely adored and had privileges but also lost out on other stuff because DM did the same in my favour. And I remember DB lying and taking the blame for things to cover for me, and sometimes getting rewarded for cruelties and the like.
So yes he was always a bit strange, so I suppose that is what my DH means. He might turn up in a good mood and all polite, or arrive here thinking that his company is a gift. It varies but it’s starting to lean more towards the latter which reminds me s lot of our father.

I have tired to talk to him but maybe I should try again. Last time didn’t go so well

Thank you both!

OP posts:
Powdersnow · 04/11/2023 22:34

Yeah I raised it a few weeks ago but he dismissed it, claiming that he was nothing like his father. But I can see it

OP posts:
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