Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I ask for apology

20 replies

ConfusedHurt123 · 04/11/2023 13:41

At expensive Japanese restaurant - I ordered fish was served smelly fishy fish full of bones. my boyfriend agreed it's very fishy & very bony

I asked waitress to bring back. Told her what's wrong & asked her to tell chef. Waitress chose to argue & keep insisting each time I gave feedback that the fish is like that. I did not yell or use vulgarities.

Boyfriend kept telling me to stop complaining instead of just keep quiet & simply wait for me & waitress to stop. After all It's my dish to pay & my complaint.

After I kept quiet, he refused to eat his food. He sat in silence while I ate & then walked off for 10min. After he came back & said he wanted to pack food as he didn't want to eat anymore.

I did not get angry with him in restaurant but when we were in car I did tell him that he needs to apologise to me for getting angry & treating me the way he did in restaurant. Am I right to ask for apology

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 04/11/2023 13:46

You just aren’t right for each other. He doesn’t like scenes in restaurants or the way you treated the waitress. And you do! You are all about your rights and being respected and deferred to by the workers. Neither of you is right, and neither of you is wrong. But you aren’t a good fit for each other. Either apologize to him for spoiling the night out or dump him.you just aren’t right for each other. Demanding or wanting an apology is a waste of time.

Watchkeys · 04/11/2023 13:50

Right according to what rules?

The only 'right' and 'wrong' are laws. Other than that, it's preferences.

If you don't like the way he treated you, that's your prerogative. He's allowed to get angry, and accept the consequences, such as people like yourself leaving him if he takes it too far or doesn't show enough remorse for the other person's liking.

We don't live according to rules. You have to decide if it's right for you to ask him to apologise, and if you deem, according to your moral code, that it is/isn't, that's what you do. Don't live your life according to the morals of a bunch of strangers on a forum. You're an adult: make your decisions about how you want to be treated, and stick with people who treat you that way.

Is he often like this?

TheKnittedCharacter · 04/11/2023 13:54

Maybe he thinks you should apologise?

Sounds like you’re incompatible.

Specso · 04/11/2023 13:56

pikkumyy77 · 04/11/2023 13:46

You just aren’t right for each other. He doesn’t like scenes in restaurants or the way you treated the waitress. And you do! You are all about your rights and being respected and deferred to by the workers. Neither of you is right, and neither of you is wrong. But you aren’t a good fit for each other. Either apologize to him for spoiling the night out or dump him.you just aren’t right for each other. Demanding or wanting an apology is a waste of time.

As is often the case, the first reply is dead on.

SiobhanSharpe · 04/11/2023 13:58

The waitress was wrong in the first instance, she should have taken the dish back for the chef to examine and hopefully taste.
It's not her place to argue the toss.
FWIW, fresh fish should not be smelly, especially not from a good restaurant. I wonder if it was a very strong tasting fish like mackerel that was perhaps not the freshest. Did the waitress remove the dish in the end?
Your boyfriend's behaviour wasn't great but perhaps he felt you were causing a scene and he was embarrassed. Doesn't really excuse him, he made matters worse.

Manadou · 04/11/2023 14:13

Fish that was 'very fishy'? Oh Noes! I'd have sent it back because it wasn't bacony enough, or maybe beefy enough, if that was my whim that night.

Burnoutwhat · 04/11/2023 14:31

I'm inclined to think Yabu as you describe the fish as very fishy. Of course it is its fish!

Epidote · 04/11/2023 14:42

Which fish did you ordered? That will make your complaint reasonable or not. There are fishes and fishes.

Regarding the apology, no, don't ask or wait for one. Both of you were argumentative.

egowise · 04/11/2023 14:43

Fish is fishy and has bones...?

Original poster
ConfusedHurt123 · 04/11/2023 17:47

Just to clarify - I didn't create a scene and the waitress didnt apologise for the poor quality fish in expensive restaurant

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedHurt123 · 04/11/2023 17:47

Just to clarify - I didn't create a scene and the waitress didnt apologise for the poor quality fish in expensive restaurant

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedHurt123 · 04/11/2023 18:09

Dear Forum members BLESS YOU putting much effort into your comments. I certainly have more clarity now and know how to proceed.
I personally believe that there are rights & wrongs especially for treating others & quality of food & service standards depending on class of restaurant. Just to clarify - I didn't create a scene and the waitress didnt apologise for the poor quality fish in expensive restaurant but she did take it back after my complaint.
As for my boyfriend unfortunately he showed disrespect by walking away from the table in a date. Instead of storming off as well I was polite & waited for a private opportunity to explain (not shout) my point of view and request an apology. Thanks again for the efforts of your comments.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 04/11/2023 18:19

I personally believe that there are rights & wrongs especially for treating others

Can you tell us where to refer to, for a definitive answer, if we feel we did something right, but someone else tells us it was wrong?

ChristmasFluff · 04/11/2023 19:02

Fuck me, if my food was bad in an expensive restaurant, I'd complain and if the waitress began making a scene (because drawing attention to a gone-off dish is not causing a scene) I would expect support from my significant other - or indeed whoever I was with - rather than them getting the hump with me.

OPs partner got angry at her for something that was the fault of the restaurant, and even worse, instead of dealing with it like an adult, he became all passive aggressive. So yes my mind, she deserves apology.

And they aren't compatible because OP is assertive and he's not able to deal with the slightest bit of discomfort iwithout resorting to passive aggression.

muggart · 04/11/2023 22:41

@ConfusedHurt123 did he apologise?

If he thought your complaint was valid and that the fish was off then he was very out of order imo.
However, I expect he thought you were either making a fuss about nothing OR being rude to the waitress and found it rather embarrassing. I can't really imagine complaining that fish has bones. I bet he thought you were being high maintenance and had potentially got the ick.

Wetblanket78 · 06/03/2024 09:02

Manadou · 04/11/2023 14:13

Fish that was 'very fishy'? Oh Noes! I'd have sent it back because it wasn't bacony enough, or maybe beefy enough, if that was my whim that night.

🤣🤣🤣

Ofcourseshecan · 06/03/2024 09:23

Fish doesn’t usually smell very ‘fishy’ if it’s fresh. A strong fishy smell may mean it’s gone off, and could cause food poisoning. What was OP meant to do?

WandaWonder · 06/03/2024 09:34

I think he deserves a quick escape

DatingDinosaur · 06/03/2024 19:10

"Am I right to ask for apology"

I always thought an apology should be provided, unprompted otherwise you'll never know if it was a genuine apology or one provided because it was asked for.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page