In my 20s, I met my husband when I had a busy social life and a good job. He worked night shifts and preferred staying home due to work-related tiredness. This arrangement worked for us at the time. Despite our differences on paper, we got married and had children.
In my 30s, I'm a stay-at-home mum, juggling kids, freelancing, and household duties, often with little adult interaction. My husband works nights and has a flexible day job. While I appreciate his work ethic, it leaves us disconnected. He arrives home, briefly spends time with us, and goes to bed early. Simple activities (watching TV together etc), and intimacy suffer as a result. On weekends, even though he's not working, it's not uncommon for him to take a daytime nap and go to bed before the children do, citing his 'body clock' as the reason.
Loneliness creeps in, and when I've tried to share my feelings, he often brings up his long work hours and the stress he's dealing with so that I can be at home with the children, suggesting that I should spend time with friends if I'm feeling lonely.
Juggling kids, freelancing, household chores, and taking on the majority of night feeds and sleepless nights during the workweek leaves me with little time for rest or early bedtimes. However, my husband doesn't see what I do as work or something that can be stressful, perhaps because I no longer leave the house for a physical workplace.
While it's true that some might say, 'you knew who you were marrying,' my life and priorities have undergone a significant shift since becoming a wife and mum. It feels like he's stuck in the same routine. AIBU to expect more from our relationship? Am I being ungrateful?