When people advise to go 'no contact' after a long term relationship, does that mean for a period of time or forever?

[Skyeblu1]

I'm out of a long term relationship now a couple of years and we haven't seen or spoken to each other in that time, but lately I've been thinking how I'd react if I bumped into him. He wanted to be my 'friend' but I didn't want that after the way he ended it and what he said to me. I'm over him now but still wouldn't want to be his friend, but I'm not the type to ignore either.

Any tips for handling this if and when it happens?

Well, I think you make "no contact" appropriate to your own situation as there are no actual rules.

Some people just stop communicating proactively - they remove from social media and don't call or email, but don't block their number/email or social media. If you saw them out, you wouldn't bother going up to them to make conversation, but if you were in a social situation where it was unavoidable, you'd just stick to extremely surface-level conversation about the weather and how nice the party is, but you wouldn't ask or offer information on any part of your personal life.

Other people have to go the whole block-notify police and move house with no forwarding address.

So if you're fine saying "Oh hi, how are you. Lovely day, isn't it? Sorry, can't stop, just running to meet a friend", then say that. You don't have to blank him in the street.

There's a difference between not actively making contact and no contact. No contact would mean not initiating contact, ignoring any contact from the other person and not engaging with them if you encountered them out and about.

In your case, there's no need to contact the ex, and if you saw them in the street you would presumably be ok with chatting? I wouldn't think too much about it other than that.

I’ve been NC with my twat of an ex for 4 years despite his attempts to hoover me.

Tbh I’m so over it now that if we crossed paths I could quite easy say ‘hi how are you?’ Without batting an eyelid

I wouldn’t ever approach him but I wouldn’t be bothered if I saw him out now.

What would you need to be in contact for?

My exes are dead to me. I didn't have children with them. Don't wish to see them again and no need to.

I must say after 2 years are you still carrying a torch for him? It's bizarre to imagine what you'd do if you bumped into someone you hadn't seen or spoken to for 2 years. You likely never will see him again.

I'd just walk past any of mine.

Yes it’s very strange to still be wondering after 2 years NC

@Goodornot you’d think so wouldn’t you It's bizarre to imagine what you'd do if you bumped into someone you hadn't seen or spoken to for 2 years. You likely never will see him again

yet when ds1 started reception turns out my ex had also moved to the same area (10 miles away from where we were when we were together) with his wife and so their daughter is in the same class as mine and dh son. So we see my ex (who I was with for 3 years age 20-23) most days after not seeing him for 7 years. It happens. We say good morning , I definitely have more conversation with his wife. She and my dh both know the history. None of us care.

I think it probably depends on the relationship itself, it was abusive then best never to go there again.

Been NC with my stbxw for six months now, I have no desire to see or talk to her again to be honest as she was abusive. Only problem is we have children and she's withholding them so I'm having to force it all through court and I'm gonna have to face her again at some point. Other than the children, I don't want to.

I don't think 2 years is that bizarre, if you really liked someone. NC serves two purposes in a romantic relationship. 1. To try and win them back 2. To get over them. I've done it before and if a relationship ended badly it can be as much about healing you as avoiding them. As you don't seem that fussed, and if he wasn't abusive, just say hi?

Some people make your life so much better by their total absence. These include: People you want to be in a relationship with who don't feel the same; people who hurt, upset and make you feel bad about yourself; people who can control and manipulate you; people you are angry with; people who take up too much head space in a negative way.
If your ex falls into any of these categories, you would do better to go against your character for once and be the type to ignore him. You have achieved a place of peace and equilibrium and shouldn't risk that for the sake of manners.