Hi I need someone to talk to but I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to. So I’ve been with my partner for 10 years (we’re not married) and we have a son together (he’s 4 and has autism). Our relationship isn’t great at the moment so I’ll go into a bit of detail about what’s been going on. Anyway, when I’ve been asleep my partner has been touching my bum (in a sexual way) and has woke me up while he’s been doing it. The next day when I have mentioned what he did he denied it and said he was asleep. He’s done this a few times and he keeps denying it saying that he was asleep. I have said to him that I don’t like it when he does it (which he then does apologise) but I do feel a bit violated and now every time he touches me I just don’t like it and I feel like I tense up. I don’t even like kissing him anymore.
He never used to touch me in his sleep at the start of our relationship, it’s just since we’ve had our son as we don’t have as much sex now. Our sex life isn’t great to be honest, I have a low libido at the moment and with working full time, taking care of our son and doing everything else around the house I’m just so tired all the time that I can’t be bothered to have sex. I have had sex with him a few times where I really didn’t want to but I felt bad because we hadn’t had sex in a while.
Our relationship in general isn’t great. We do have some good days but also have a lot of bad days and arguments. Our son can be quite hard work with him having autism and I don’t feel like I get a lot of support with our son. Whenever my partner comes in from work he just sits on the sofa and is constantly on his phone. Whenever I talk to him majority of the time he’s not listening coz he’s too busy on his phone. Again I’ve asked him that when I talk to him can he not look at his phone but he still does it. My partner can be a bit manipulative at times and he has gaslighted me before. I feel like he’s also dismissed my feelings when I’ve tried to talk to him about things. He has also called our son names (he’s called him an embarrassment, a retard, said that he’s horrible, and other things) and he’s said that he doesn’t like the sound of our sons voice. He’s also made this comment about my voice before. He said that when me and our son “shriek” our voices go high pitch and he said it’s a horrible sound. I’ve asked him repeatedly to not call our son names as he listens to everything that we say but he still does it.
Sometimes I feel like am I over reacting to how things are and over think things
I just don’t know what to do. I don’t think many people (besides my family) would believe that my partner has this side to him as I’m the only one who see’s it and I don’t have any proof (apart from 1 text message where he called our son an embarrassment). I’m originally from the north west and originally he’s from Southampton. Ideally I’d like to move back up north to be closer to my family but I’m not sure on what my rights are or what to do
(My son is in school and we’re waiting on his EHCP and some referrals for him. We have a mortgage for our house and I couldn’t afford to live by myself in the area that we currently live in). Should I just try and stick it out until I get my sons EHCP or try to leave before 😩
Sorry for the really long message!