How can I get the truth from someone who is repeatedly lying to me

[Dogdaydream]

My sister is lying to me and the rest of the family and we don't know what to do about it. How can I convince her to open up to us?

We don't know if it's drink, drugs, gambling or something else. She's currently living with our mum and skipping work and behaving weirdly. She's had mental health issues - crippling anxiety and depression. She's in work but it's not going well and apparently her last four pay checks have gone missing. Apparently her bank accounts and the money in them is locked due to some fraud issues. I don't believe her. She's sold all valuable possessions. There is definitely an issue with money but I don't know why.

This strange behaviour has been going on for a year and mum is propping her up. She won't come out of her room for days at a time.

I feel it it was drink or drugs we'd notice more obviously.

I have asked her repeatedly what is wrong but she says all her problems are out of her control - work not paying her, her bank locking her accounts. It doesn't seem to me she is putting any effort into getting these supposed issues sorted.

How can I proceed? Appreciate any advice

You can't, you can only make life so difficult for her that she eventually tells you because that's easier.

However if your mum is supporting her there's little you can do.

You need to encourage your mum to stop giving her money and then hopefully whatever the issue is will become apparent.

I doubt very much she would have not been paid/ bank accounts frozen for all this time.

It could be online gambling. This happened to my sibling. Works but 'loses' money. No obvious drug/alcohol addiction signs. Never any money, chased by money lenders and banks. Constant constant lying.

I suspect this. How did it all eventually come out? I've asked if it's drink or drugs or gambling and said whatever it is we'll help but she just says it's nothing....

It sounds like she's lost her job...?

You could try sitting her down for a gentle chat and asking her what's going on and you want to support her getting back on her feet

Spend time with her. Be gentle, listen, don’t react, don’t advise.

Go into nature is best, walking is great for that. Find things she enjoys doing and just give her time and I’m sure she’ll open up but she needs to know she can trust you first.

it sounds really worrying so I hope you can help her come through this xx

@pinkpantherprat thanks for responding. I think she may lose her job if she hasn't already. She lost previous jobs prior to this time last year and borrowed tens of thousands from partner to pay the bills over a couple of years (partner left her which is when DS moved in with DM).

DS had been talking to me about issues at work. She's been there less than six months