Boyfriend or partner ?

[Deepdivesue]

When does a BF become a Partner.
I've been with my BF for a couple of years, best relationship I could imagine, we love and respect each other.
He's my go to for everthing- the fun stuff and the more challenging stuff, as am I to him.
For reasons that are too outing (NC for this thread) he doesn't live with me (he has a dependant of sorts in his house) however we spend every night together and most evenings unless one of us has other stuff on.
The plan is when the time is right he will move in with me. Marriage is a certainly.
We're both middle aged 😆.
So we share everything other than bills/money - although our spending within our relationship is very equal and healthy.
So at the age of 43, is he my boyfriend or partner?
I use BF, but sometimes it feels like that doesn't do justice to just how meaningful pur relationship is - we really are disgustingly good together.
Thoughts ?
Thanks 😁

Edited due to my phone liking to make words up

I think you've got that the right way round, I quite like the idea of being someone's jellybean queen (a tiara would be a bonus).
Trout ? It would have to be a very low self esteem day 🙃

Dp and I have been together 2 years - live together, very happy etc etc. No plans to ever break up but he doesn't ever want to get married to anyone as he's just generally against it. I love to marry him but I'd rather be with him and unmarried than married to someone else so here we are! I'm fine with this and I respect his choice.

I hope we are still together in twenty years time but he will always be my boyfriend because that's what he is. Yes it does feel a bit juvenile, but to me partner sounds too clinical and business-like so if he wants to be anything other than a boyfriend he'll have to marry me 😁

You know- I've been using the word "partner" to describe the person I share my life with for nearly 40 years and nobody in all that time has ever though I was talking about my business partner, and I've had some of those too! Mind you, I've been using Ms for longer, and nobody has ever assumed I was divorced either! These discussions always make me think about the sort of people who say "Gay used to mean happy."
I do think that a lot of the opposition to "partner" comes from a mindset where marriage is a promotion from boyfriend/girlfriend and there's an unconscious objection to a word that seems to allow people to appropriate the status without jumping through the hoop!

@CurlewKate for me at least, it's not that I think other people think that about me saying partner, its my feeling saying it. For me, it feels more neutral and devoid of emotion, i.e beige and "business like" whereas girlfriend/boyfriend" carries an emotional feeling. Probably because unlike partner its only ever used in one context.

It's usually clear what context partner is being used, but I can't shake feeling from my head about the feeling from the other one. Appreciate it doesn't feel the same for others, or maybe it does & they're content with it. I dunno if I've communicated that well

Any you like you can call him. I would say BF because you are not living or had lived together yet, partner/ couple/ when living together and husband after marriage, but that is just what I think.
Both are fine anyway.

@CurlewKate I totally get that and lots of people do use it for their romantic partner but I just feel weird about it. Boyfriend sounds more meaningful to me even if a bit childish 😂

To me, partner means someone you live with and share household responsibilities with, like you would if you were married but just you've chosen not to marry.

If you are living separately and not sharing bills/other joint responsibilities, I think he's your boyfriend.

Personally, I've never used the word 'partner'. Dh, before we got married, was my boyfriend, as we lived separately. We then got engaged and he was my fiance, then we moved in together and 3 months later, got married and then he was my husband. If we'd decided to move in together with no intention to marry in the immediate future, I probably would have considered him my partner. But even still, that to me implies almost like a 'civil partnership' being as married as you can be without actually being legally married - and I'm not sure if that would have fit how I would have described us at the time.

I don't find "partner" cold or formal. It sounds like someone you share life with who has your back. I think it's appropriate in your situation and anyone can tell the difference between business partner and romantic partner.

Going from boyfriend - fiance - husband is fine when people are young and get engaged after period of dating etc.

I always found the bit inbetween boyfriend and husband strange. Partner sounds too professional but boyfriend doesn't do that stage justice. Especially if you share everything.

I think when children become involved and/or you have no intention of marrying but still want to be together it needs a name.

For many of us, it's not a stage-it's a way of being. Maybe, as I said earlier, stop thinking of marriage as a superior state-something to aspire to! A person over 18 is not a boy or a girl!

I think a biufriend becomes a partner when you share responsibilities. Could be kids or a home or bills. But if you have no joint obligations then it doesn’t sound like a partnership to me. There’s nothing you have to negotiate and compromise over.

Boyfriend sounds sexier than partner imo.

We sound in an almost identical set up op in terms of age, how we each maintain our own homes (and finances) but spend every night together.

I also used to happily use the term boyfriend when younger but no way would I say that now. I use 'other half', 'partner' and he will often use fiancé or wife, even though we are neither yet.

I say don't let others define what we are. Who cares. It's up to us!

I would use 'partner'. I think in middle age, especially when divorced or have children with a former partner, it is common to have a 'partner' for a longer term relationship.

Middle aged people often don't marry for financial reasons. To me, 'boyfriend' sounds a bit temporary and uncommitted in a longer term relationship. Maybe I'd use that in the first year, then 'partner' once an established couple, expecting to be together for years to come.