Cybersex

[Amoreal]

If you find messages exchanged between two people that are sexual, but have never met up, never exchanged photos- would you class this as cheating?

For me personally, yes.

Yes.

Yes

I'm not sure. Is it any different to porn or fantasy?
Would it be different if it was AI?

Yes

I keep saying this because I know this for sure:

It doesn’t MATTER if someone put bits of themselves inside someone else. It doesn’t matter.
What matters is if your partner has treated you and your relationship with loyalty and respect.
In this case, your partner has not.

What if they say that they didn't have an intention to do anything but just wanted some attention that they didn't seem to be getting with me

Then that’s blame shifting

Perhaps emotional affair?

Either way, it's not right and that's just an excuse. I wouldn't stand for it.

That’s called deflection and gaslighting blaming you for what they’ve done.

No way. They’ve been emotionally sexually intimate with someone else - that’s sacred between you two even if only via text, you’re still exchanging

How did they even meet if they’ve not seen each others picture or met in person? This all sounds very 1990s. How do they even know the person they are talking to is who they say they are?

Does it make a difference if the other person doesn't exist? AI chatbot? Scammer?

Then it doesn't bode well for your future together, does it? If anytime he reckons his needs aren't being completely met, he goes seeking attention off other women, instead of talking to you - then what's the point?

There will be times in your relationship where you can't be laser-focused on each other, where there are other pressures, when you go through periods where you're less close or there are problems or sickness or loss of libido - if his go-to is let's chase other women, then he's a spoilt brat and the relationship is worth shit.

Chatroom@Starmoonsu

I'm pretty open minded, but yes, it's a form of cheating.

I would consider it cheating, yes. And it’s concerning that his first instinct is to blame you for it, rather than take responsibility.

Chat rooms are there to fulfil someone's fantasy. The women chatting are being paid or exploited.
I wouldn't call it cheating but I think it's sleazy and it would put me off someone.

100% cheating. If it's your partner doing this, stop wasting your time.

Yes

havent confronted yet, How or what would you do?

been together for 12 years

Yes

No, I wouldn't class it as cheating. Is it right? no - but if I found out my OH was doing this on a chatroom, I wouldn't be particularly angry, but I'd ask her not to do it again.

If it happens again, then that's a whole different ballgame.

Yep this!!! Also do not take his word for it that they never met / had no intentions of meeting!

OP
It DOESN’T MATTER! Has he behaved in a way which is respectful to you? Has he been scrupulously loyal? No, he hasn’t.
I repeat- it doesn’t matter if he put his penis or any other part of himself inside her. It doesn’t matter