Bonus pay…

[Polystirene]

In our house, all finances are equally shared. I earn 2x what my DH does. Occasionally I will do some additional pieces of work and this can bring in £200-£1000 per year. Again this just goes into the family pot and is spent on household / bills / whatever!

DH has received an unexpected small bonus (three figures). I simply assumed it would go in the pot - especially as Christmas is coming up.

However it turns out he feels he should spend it on things for himself, as it is a bonus he has earned.

But AIBU to feel this is a little unfair? I don’t get any bonuses in my line of work, and any extra income I get from my side job goes in the pot.

On the other hand, he does work really hard… but so do I! Not quite sure if IWBU to mention my thoughts to him or if it would seem churlish?

Occasionally I will do some additional pieces of work and this can bring in £200-£1000 per year.

Well, that will be your personal bonus, I suppose...

I would be very tempted to only pay in what he pays in. He's getting used to your money but hates thinking of you having any of his. He earns half what you do but wants more out of it than you.

Things like this are why I don't love a communal pot (which I know is contrary to most of MN). It is really nice to have fun money that's all your own, I'd hate to have to share my bonus. But equally, your side hustle should be your fun money.

I think putting everything into one pot is a bit odd for this reason. It's nice to have a treat for yourself for your hard work, and you should have that, as long as necessary joint expenses are covered. But if the rule is that everything goes in one pot, then everything goes in one pot, and that goes for both of you.

I agree, I work bloody hard for my bonus and it’s therefore my extra money to treat myself for being such a fantastic worker! I do often use some of to treat us to a fancy dinner out or a weekend away.

but we don’t have fully integrated finances and I’m the higher earner.

I’d totally keep your side hustle money to yourself

Seems like this is the way forward! Thanks all!

I understand the issue. I earn more than DH but he is in a sector that gets bonuses, So sometimes he gets over the year as much as me (not often though, ha ha). We split finances so we each pay for certain bills and we roughly have the same each left over each month. But then his bonuses are his to spend. Which seems fair given he’s put in the extra work and stress to meet targets at work.. but then it’s also not fair as all my money effectively goes into the pot.

Even worse would be he’d spend his bonus on something eg a new bed or a big holiday, and I’d also pay half out of my already-shared money… (and then quietly seethe when I realised my mistake)

Anyway it’s not an issue anymore because money isn’t as tight now we have no childcare cost, and I’ve not reviewed the bill split for ages so I think I’m probably the one better off. Also his last bonus went against the mortgage.

It’s a lot easier to be relaxed about these things when money isn’t tight.