Abusive ex messaging on dating app

[DilemmaEmma2]

My abuser ex has found me on a dating app. He's messaged me just a message saying my full name...

There was a previous non molestation order against him that expired last year.

We are currently in court proceedings for child access and only communicate via solicitors.

Hes playing mind games.

Why would he do this?

To scare you and intimidate you, to make sure you know he’s always looking for you.
I would take evidence he has contacted you and don’t respond.

I've taken a screenshot of it. I don't think he will ever stop harassing me.

That sounds horrid.

Can you block him and/or get the order back in place?

@DilemmaEmma2 any chance you could move away and start a new life?
I did that with my son, due to an abusive ex and I never looked back.
I agree with previous poster above can you look into getting another order as well?

Would they not require more evidence than this to order a non molestation order though? I got one last time on the basis of years and years of abuse.

It's like he wanted me to know he knew it was my profile and just to send a message with just my full name was terrifying to read..

I left him a few years ago and relocated completely. I've already done that

@DilemmaEmma2 im so sorry he won’t leave you alone 😔

Feel like I'll never be free of him

But its not as if you'd be taking out a non molestation based on that one message. You'd be taking it out on the basis that you had one before and he's STILL harassing you. So you have all the prior stuff and him starting up again.

But tbf as is, this might just be a one off to shake you. Id block him and ignore. Maybe report him to the site. Tell them he's been banned from contacting you in the past as he's an obsessive ex. They won't do much but still, let them know.

Try not to let it get to you. He's a sad little bully and now he knows you're over him and looking to date again.

90 percent now his power over you actually disappears when you decide he doesn't have power over you.

Don't let it get to you, he's trying to mess with your head. Document it and if anything else comes as evidence.

He's sat there with nothing better to do, shows how pathetic his life is.

Block him and as said already, try to get into the mindset that if you don't allow it to affect you he is powerless. Say to yourself, no fuck you, I won't be part of your games. I'm moving on and there's nothing you can do about it.

Let him sit there thinking he's achieving something, when in fact he's not. He loses if you become immune.

Seek help about a new order.
He has power over you, as pp said.
It's a mind game and a tormenting experience.
They do move on eventually.
Do not live in dread but pity to sorry barstard.
Continue to date and be free of that bad experience.
Battle out access asap and note anything untoward for your case.
Hang in there.
I hope you have good support for this as it's vital.
You have relocated that's a good step in the right direction hopefully.

I feel scared now

Anything else happened or still from the message?

I reported it to the police via 101 last night, just so I know it was logged. When I was with him, I made the mistake of not ever calling the Police.

They rang me just now at work and have seemingly taken it quite seriously because of the domestic history.

They've logged it as a first incident of harassment and given me a CRN. They said if he sends another message it will amount to a harassment charge and he'll be arrested.

Good for you that was the right thing to do. Don't worry about it, the police are aware now and his actions will have consequences. Should he do anything more it will only compound his guilt to the police and give them more ammunition to charge him further.

You'll be alright, honestly.

Thanks, just hate that he wants to still scare/intimidate me.

I’m pleased to hear police took it seriously even without a non-mol. Def block him and report him on dating site. As I understand it anyone can take out a non mol against anyone. I’d do it if you need peace of mind and to send a message to him that messaging on dating site was completely unacceptable. There’s an abundance of advice on women’s aid sites about how to take out a non mol without needing a solicitor, else contact ‘flag dv’ who offer free legal advice to victims of domestic violence (and they will always take you seriously).

‘Free Legal Advice Group for victims of Domestic Violence.’

I had pages of evidence when I first got a NMO against him, this was after years of abuse and then harrassment following leaving him. It was granted immediately at an ex parte hearing. It was also extended at a family court hearing by a Judge for a further 6 months.

I don't think I could get a NMO with just this single piece of evidence, if I did, it would probably only be for four weeks until we went to a return hearing for him to contest it, and then it would be either discharged or he would take an undertaking,

The Police did give me a crime reference and said I could use it to obtain a NMO if I wanted to get one, but I know the process fairly well.

Sounds like you have a good case. You have right to live without him harassing you.

I don't know if I could just use one incident of harassment to get an NMO? would they serve one on the basis of the domestic history and potential for future harassment?

So, just had a call from my local domestic abuse charity, the police must have referred. They want to support in applying for an NMO on the basis that it's harassment and there was absolutely NO need for him to message me. It's insidious mind games. Because I was given a crime reference number it's been logged and taken seriously they said the Court would look at the future potential for harassment etc.
Got a call with them soon to do the application. I'm not hopeful, but I will try.

Well if nothing else at least it's being taken seriously and as they said there was no reason to contact you. Regardless of how it pans out it's consequence for him, in the spotlight and anything further will all add up.

Try not to worry about him and let him dominate your thoughts, he chose to do it. Now there are third parties involved again you're not alone in it.