I have posted at various times, under different names probably, about SIL and her ex. I have consistently been told that me and DH need to take a tough love approach with her as he is a controlling and emotionally abusive ass but that she continues to get sucked into his shit and that we should stand apart and not be involved.
I wrote a whole long message and I just think anyone reading it will die of boredom. But in summary, 2 years after they split, he is still controlling her, today it's about manipulating her into letting her come back to live in her house as he has no job, no money and nowhere to go.
He is an awful person, probably a covert narcissist, who in a rage says and does completely unacceptable things to anyone in his life. We've all been on the receiving end - even preteen DS!!! He's also good at playing the victim and smearing other people in a subtle way (it's not so subtle to us anymore).
I want nothing to do with him and refuse to engage with him or be present with him. SIL is in a state and is desperate to get him out of her house but I don't believe the council will prioritise him vs the many many other people who really are desperate.
I want to support her, but I will no longer allow his manipulation of her to affect me. I will not invite him for Christmas and DH and I are now on the same page that if she refuses to come to our for Christmas without him, then so be it.
But I feel so bad. She's so unhappy and so stressed. Yes, she's making poor choices because she seems so unable to extricate herself and because she has good intentions - she wants the father of her children to be safe and in their lives. She just can't give up hope completely even when he consistently and reliably lets her down.
I doubt anyone can help. But any thoughts, suggestions, ideas on how I could help her, appreciated. Otherwise I'll just treat this as a useful online vent! 