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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Toxic friend

5 replies

Nusuy · 01/11/2023 11:38

I met a woman at an activity group a few years go. She seems to have taken a liking to want to be friends. She has no other friends and says people only hang out with her to go to gigs together and don't have a friendship outside of that. She said no-one turned up to her 30th birthday party.

She went on holiday with a guy recently and while they were there they had a disagreement and he said she was overbearing and no longer exists to him. He blocked her on all platforms and they spent the rest of the holiday apart. She can be very defensive and purposely disagrees with me most of the time.

She runs a bowling group I went to and I asked if we could go back to having 2 lanes as having 1 lane took hours to finish the games and I was getting home at 11pm on a Monday night making me tired for work the next day. She refused and said no it is one lane for people to social but we still socialised with 2 lanes. Numbers have dwindles recently.

I am fed up losing time as she wants to chat on the phone at inconvenient times about her health issues and loneliness. Yet she ignored advice off me and ignored the health professionals advice. She has plantar fasciitis and her sister is a GP and told her she is overweight and she said her sister is insulting her.

I have had enough as last night she got defensive then I made a comment about some people have got their job at work through others hard work. She told me I can't say that and kept saying it. I said why I can't I say that and said this conversation ends now. She gritted her teeth and agreed and said bye. She is very controlling and had a go at me for not voting the once which I have told her it is none of her business. She does not like it when people have a different view.

How do I phase her out? I haven't got time for negative people like her. I feel she is disrespectful to me with the aggression. None of my other friends are like this. She doesn't realise why she has no friends.

OP posts:
Catsafterme · 01/11/2023 16:01

Well I guess there's a reason why nobody spends time with her. It's sad in a way but some people can't see their behavior is a problem.

If you can't deal with her any more maybe just say something along the lines that you are different people, you don't feel the friendship can't continue any more.

Maybe some others will have advice on how to proceed or word something better but that's what I would do.

NutellaNut · 01/11/2023 16:54

Just cease to be available when she wants to see you or speak to you, always be ‘busy’. You will still see her at bowls club by the sound of it, so avoid a scene I’d possible. If she calls at times, don’t pick up the phone. Text back and say sorry you’re busy and will catch up another time. People like her are absolutely draining and you don’t owe her your time. If she does challenge you on this, I’d be tempted to tell her the truth regardless, but hopefully she’ll get the message.

BMW6 · 01/11/2023 17:05

Just tell she she's pissed you off and you have had enough of her!

Nusuy · 02/11/2023 16:33

She must have mental health issues. She messaged this morning saying only her and one other person are going bowling on Monday. It is as though she was never rude to me and not acknowledged what happened. I certainly don't want to go bowling with her again so why tell me.

OP posts:
Catsafterme · 02/11/2023 16:39

There's a certain type of person that is never wrong, justified, highly opinionated to offensiveness and hates anyone else's opinion. Does things, things happen, then just acts like nothing has happened at all or will twist events in a different light to suit their narrative.

It is fucking mental and you don't want that in your life if that is the case. You piss her off you'll see another side though I bet. You can't win.

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