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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Shall marriage be so hard?

4 replies

user1465378510 · 01/11/2023 01:33

Hi. We've been married for 9 years (I'm 33). We have 2 children (2 and 7 years old) and no relatives to help. I'm a SAHM. And I often feel very lonley, although DH spends all free time with me and kids. Both of us didn't have a parent's role model of a married couple. Sometimes I wonder if it is okay to feel certain ways in marriage or not. My parents passed away. My mum used to tell me that I'm beautiful and smart and used to give me a support and appreciate what I was doing, I felt valued. And my husband rarely does these. I tend to ask him if I look good, he won't say if I don't ask. I'm not even expecting any compliments. When there is something that worries me, he will mostly say that there is nothing to be bothered about. We rarely hug each other during the day. Some days he won't talk to me unless I do something and he thinks I'm doing it wrong (like, please, don't leave the iron on the floor as little one may plug it in). I don't feel myself loved woman. I feel like a carer, house worker and a neighbour. Please, tell me is that expected after 9 years of marriage. Or are we moving in a wrong direction?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 01/11/2023 01:45

It sounds like you need to communicate more. Because you haven't really learnt what a happy couple looks like, you're both just kinda trudging along.

What happens if he came in from work and you greeted him with a kiss or sent over to him and have him a hug? Do you ever tell him he looks nice? Is he sitting you up or trying to reassure you when you're worried? How's he responding if you talk to him? Do you think he's punishing you by not speaking to you or just doesn't want to talk? What were things like pre kids?

But generally, no it's not right to feel lonely in a marriage so you need to talk to him and tell him you want to reconnect as a couple.

madeinmanc · 01/11/2023 02:17

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Hearmenow23 · 01/11/2023 04:59

@madeinmanc

How?

Guavafish1 · 01/11/2023 05:10

hmm

Do you have an hobbies? Do you do anything for yourself? What about career prior to children? How is your self esteem before and after marriage.

Then as a couple, do you do anything together? Do you have any child care help? When do you both talk to each other?

I believe a partner is no substitute for loving parents. Your parents will always be your number one champions.

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