My husband died in late spring this year. He was an alcoholic and we had been officially separated since Christmas when it became clear he could not get sober and his drinking was causing health and behaviour that was no longer possible to endure or protect our two DD from (both under 7). Our relationship had been very broken for the last three years but I found it hard to leave him altogether though I left several times. But the time of his death, I knew we wouldn’t be reuniting but I didn’t tell him because he seemed so likely to die but also he was clinging to the idea of us being together. It seemed really really cruel to take that away.
i found the first weeks after his death a complete blur and needed antidepressants to manage plus weekly therapy. I also tried some slightly wacky alternative therapies which I found really helpful. Allowed me to go somewhere and have a breakdown where I was safe and there was no chance of my kids hearing me. Around two months after his death an old flame got in touch, we’ve always checked in around once a year anyway, to express condolences. We started talking more and more. He’s not close to where I live at all, so we have only met up a few times but there was very strong chemistry. I’m not in love or moving him in or introducing him to my kids or anything like that. But we are dating. It feels so fun and freeing to go away every once in a while and do no parenting things with a man I trust and who I can talk to. But I am wondering a bit if I am being really reckless. I feel like this could be something serious with the passage of time but I don’t want to hurt him or me. Is that possible or am I just looking for a life raft after the car crash of my last relationship? I guess I want to sanity check myself a bit?