Ending my relationship with partner who has been in kids' lives for 5 years

[DietCokeAddict19]

I have been with my current partner for 5 years, he has known my 2 children (14 and 12) for most of that time and has lived with us for 4 years.

The relationship isn't working (see my previous posts) and I think the relationship needs to end. But I am really worried about the impact this will have on the children, who have already had to go through me and their Dad splitting up in 2016. Partner also has a dog who the children will desperately miss.

How can I do this and cause as little pain for the kids as possible?

(And don't worry, I don't plan to be in a relationship ever again and am feeling so, so awful for putting them in this position)

Tbh - your kids are probably smarter than you give them credit. They probably are picking up on things not being right between you two. So - I won't be as worried about the kids.

Be honest with them. And they'll be OK.

If you are OK with having a dog in the house - why not get a dog for the kids?

As I think they may miss a pet more than your boyfriend.

I work 5 days a week and don’t think I could cope with getting a dog myself. Might get a cat instead - they are far more independent!

I hope you are right about the kids being ok. And they may well be aware things aren’t right. I just want to do what is best for them.

I don’t think the kids will be that fussed as you think they will be . He isn’t their dad and he’s only been around for a few years . They’ll soon forget about him - or maybe they’ll choose to maintain a relationship with him independently of you - would you be ok with that ?

my mum had a partner from when I was 8 until 13. I had a half sister from his too. He never even sent a birthday card to me, my siblings, or even his dd after they separated. I was very upset for ages afterwards but, on reflection, I think that was more to do with the fact that my own dad did not keep I contact and then neither did he. So I felt rejected by my own dad, and then him.
In my own experience I wouldn’t worry

I think they might choose to stay in contact, both the kids and him. There have been times that he has sometimes spoken out of turn to the kids, not in an abusive way, but in a less than kind way, so I want to try and protect them as well as them also having the opportunity to maintain contact if they choose to.

Argh this sucks. We have set aside time this weekend to talk, but this week he is being all over the kids, telling them he loves them (for context he never/very very rarely does this) and saying in front of them how much he loves me. So it's me who is going to look like the bad person by ending things.

I don't know why I can't just say "I don't want to be in a relationship with you any more".