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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship is ending and I'm suddenly unsure

3 replies

Helloween666 · 30/10/2023 18:43

DP is moving out and having felt so sure about things coming to an end I'm now feeling very wobbly. We had initially said maybe we just need space but it's feeling like a full break up. History is we've never been great at communicating with each other. He says I'm overly critical and disappointed, I think he's defensive and avoidant and angry. He never hears the good stuff and I can't keep reassuring him. We never seem to fully resolve things. Despite these issues we've been through (unsuccessful) IVF which is obviously a huge strain. I'm early 40s and as well as the end of a relationship this is the end of hope for a family for me. I couldn't do another round of IVF in this relationship.

But he has many positive qualities. Better than so many other men I know. So I'm wobbling. Do I ask too much? I suppose I'm scared of having made the wrong decision. Has the unsuccessful IVF and the strain caused this? Or do I need to remember things with us have always been hard and living together has been awful in parts - stonewalling, walking on eggshells, conflict...

I am not perfect and in fact am wondering if actually I'm the problem, unable to make relationships work.

Not sure what I'm asking really. Just need to vent and conscious I'm probably boring my lovely friends, for whom my relationship woes are nothing new! Any tips on how to ease the nagging feelings about everything and how do get through the next few weeks as he actually leaves appreciated.

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 30/10/2023 21:01

It’s perfectly normal to have a wobble even if the relationship isn’t working for you.

It doesn’t sounds right to carry on as you were. Potentially if you were both willing to engage in couples therapy (if you haven’t already) that might be worth exploring.

Helloween666 · 30/10/2023 21:36

@vincettenoir thank you for replying. We did (a lot of) couples therapy and it didn't help like it should Haloween Sad Neither of us worked hard enough at it. All seems such a waste now

OP posts:
category12 · 30/10/2023 21:44

It sounds like you've tried to make it work.

I don't think being better than some rubbishy men equals good enough. 🙂

IVF must have been a huge strain, but as you say there were problems before, it seems like you're making the right decision. It's difficult, you're bound to have doubts, but there's a reason you're at this point.

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