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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Single mums and dating!!

14 replies

Jollywoman123 · 30/10/2023 17:30

I need help, I’m a young(ish) mum of 27, my child is under a year old and her dad isn’t great. I haven’t been with her dad since she was 8 weeks old, and we weren’t happy for a long time before but as others do, I clung onto the hope that it could work for my child. Anyway I was unhappy, he wasn’t nice to me nor at all any help with our child. Anyway - I have little support around me, I have a good job which I go back to in January, I have my own house, car, money. But recently reconnected with an old friend that reached out, it was innocent but we got along really well, and then he asked me out on a date. I went while my child was visiting her dad for the afternoon (he has her for a few hours every few weeks, never overnight) and I actually found it really lovely. He’s then asked to see me again.. my question is am I being unfair on my child by dating while they are so young? My mums view on it is that I can’t be a good mum while starting a new relationship as I’m the sole guardian for my child. This makes me sad! Any advice is massively appreciated

OP posts:
Original poster
Jollywoman123 · 30/10/2023 17:41

I forgot to add she’ll be going to nursery when I’m back to work and she’s also in a good routine - goes to bed at 6:30-7 every night

OP posts:
mrandmrsrobinson · 30/10/2023 17:42

Your mum is wrong.

PierceMorgansChin · 30/10/2023 17:50

You seem like you have your shit together! Find trusted babysitter who will stay with your little one overnight whenever you want to go out, and go and enjoy yourself! I was a bit older than you when my relationship failed and few nights a month I paid for a babysitter to go out on a date or to meet friends saved my sanity. My daughter survived unscathed. Your mum is being silly. You don't get a medal for being a martyr.

Milliemoos5 · 30/10/2023 17:53

your mums view is very classic; that we have to be entirely and utterly sacrificial to our kids. I bet she wouldn’t have made the same comment had you been a son rather than a daughter!

ignore her; you’re 27 and don’t need her approval

Original poster
Jollywoman123 · 30/10/2023 17:59

thank you all so much! I was doubting myself but it was so nice to go on a date and have a laugh with somebody and be someone other than a mum just for a few hours.

my next question is - like I said my daughter goes to bed at between 6:30-7pm, would it be bad if I’m a month or so he was to come over for a take away and a glass of wine while she’s in bed? He of course wouldn’t be actually meeting her until a lot further down the line!

OP posts:
Milliemoos5 · 30/10/2023 18:11

I think that’s absolutely fine! That’s what I used to do when mine were small. Totally normal don’t worry !

Sunandnomoon · 30/10/2023 18:16

It’s easier in some ways to date as a single parent when your children are very young and go to bed early. It gets more complicated as they get older. Go for it. A happy mum makes a happy child.

Yetanothernamechangeagain · 30/10/2023 19:03

Nursery can be a good source of trustworthy babysitters if your mum isn’t willing to help out.

PierceMorgansChin · 30/10/2023 21:17

Jollywoman123 · 30/10/2023 17:59

thank you all so much! I was doubting myself but it was so nice to go on a date and have a laugh with somebody and be someone other than a mum just for a few hours.

my next question is - like I said my daughter goes to bed at between 6:30-7pm, would it be bad if I’m a month or so he was to come over for a take away and a glass of wine while she’s in bed? He of course wouldn’t be actually meeting her until a lot further down the line!

That's fine, I never did that because I was so fed up being home and working from home I wanted to just go out, but nothing wrong with you watching a movie together while baby is in bed. Good luck OP, you deserve to be happy

Original poster
Jollywoman123 · 31/10/2023 03:20

Thank you all so much x

OP posts:
BananaSlug · 31/10/2023 11:47

How interesting! There was this thread on aibu but the reverse so a man dating who had a one year old child and everyone was saying how awful he was and should be concentrating on his child and how wrong it was to date with such a young baby. Typical MN when it’s a woman it’s totally fine but a man it’s a huge red flag 😂

BananaSlug · 31/10/2023 11:49

Milliemoos5 · 30/10/2023 17:53

your mums view is very classic; that we have to be entirely and utterly sacrificial to our kids. I bet she wouldn’t have made the same comment had you been a son rather than a daughter!

ignore her; you’re 27 and don’t need her approval

Yes they would have there was literally a thread on MN the other day where everyone was saying a man with a one year old shouldn’t be dating!

Milliemoos5 · 31/10/2023 11:52

I said the OPs mother… not ‘everyone’

BananaSlug · 31/10/2023 11:54

Milliemoos5 · 31/10/2023 11:52

I said the OPs mother… not ‘everyone’

You said she wouldn’t say it if she had a son but you have no way of knowing that since many people think men with 1 year olds shouldn’t be dating.

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