Need some help

[Chocolatebuttons3]

m absolutely struggling today. This year I've supported my partner through an awful patch in his personal life. I have lent him a couple of grand to keep him off the streets when he was evicted. I've then seen him come in and out of jobs and struggle due to chronic pain whilst he awaits surgery. I then discovered he was taking crack cocaine and this was my rock bottom. He was constantly lying. Taking money out my account and fibbing about where he was. The drama has been horrendous and I've had 4 years of his mental health now. He has adhd and possible bipolar as it runs in his family. He shows many signs of ups and downs.

Hes been suicidal and depressed alot recently. I've been put through hell when he turned up soaking wet after being hit over money. He's sold things and lied and lied. But the hardest part is he actually does seem to care about me and want to be nice to me. He cooks lovely meals. He runs me a bath and he washes my clothes when I stay over. We walk the dogs. We watch films. I never see him high. He strangely feels like my comfort in a lonely world at times. We talk alot about him and I've got him help through charities etc. I try support him.

In recent months 2 things have happened. In August an instagram account was made using his number. We was going through a bad patch. He began following 2 women. He denied making the account. A month later I saw he'd sent £40 over to this woman.
He started over explaining his phone lately. He deleted all apps and kept boasting how there's nothing on his phone. So I went through it. Only photos on it were of another woman! He has history of lying about women and phones.

Today I said no to him borrowing money. He started being grumpy and he knows i have alot on my plate at the moment. As he got grumpier I told him I knew he was currently looking at another woman as his phone was full of her pics. He told me he is done with me and will never talk to me again. There's certain things that he needed to sort with me that I guess he's not going to now.

I'm in shock and feeling really Down. I'm scared to loose this familiarity..but I know he won't ever change for me.

I need some support as I'm feeling pretty broken

Well done on not letting him move in with you, that's the only positive thing I can say, hopefully others will have more advice.

It sounds as if you have dodged a bullet. In time you will feel a sense of relief that this awful man is out of your life.

Be kind to yourself.

He's going to have ups and downs if he uses crack cocaine.

You really need to get out and stay out of this relationship. Address your loneliness in other ways than going back to someone like this.

I think when we focus so much on "fixing" someone else, it can be because we have low self-esteem and feel like the only way anyone will want us is because they need us?

You can't "fix" another person, only yourself. Concentrate on you, on learning to believe you deserve more than someone who lies and cheats and uses.

He's always suicidal and depressed and I always end up frightened for him. I'm stuck in a trauma really because there's 2 very different personalities..

Try to be grateful. He has done you a massive favor. He's a loser.

You're not his therapist, social worker, nurse or mental health professional. A relationship with you is not the cure for his ills. He needs to engage with proper help.

If you're worried about what he might do, ask the police to do a welfare check.

But you're not responsible for him and the chances are this is co-dependence and enabling, and not actually what he needs - and certainly not what you need.

I know it's hard when there's two sides to someone but you need to understand you can't help people who won't help themselves.

He may be nice in some ways but that isn't a healthy relationship, he should be nice always and appreciate you. You have done more than most would, even through the lies but he's shown he won't change. If anything he will end up getting you caught up in his own mess, whether that's debt, drugs or more trauma.

He is not your responsibility, whatever he does or doesn't do isn't your problem, it's all on him. Move on, don't look back and find someone who appreciates you for you and not just for your money.