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Original poster

The older I get, the more I prefer my own company.

29 replies

Tolkienista · 30/10/2023 16:26

I love life, I love interacting with friends and relatives, I love interacting with strangers too........but increasingly I love time on my own and rarely feel that I'm missing out on big social events eg. (staff night outs) which I always hated, by spending a night in on my own.

I retired from teaching in July and thought that I would struggle to adapt to a life devoid of the day to day interaction with colleagues, which I must admit I really enjoyed in my long career.
So far, I haven't missed it at all. I'm loving my freedom and interacting with my family more. Just had a great day out with three family members, but coming home and doing my own thing makes me really relaxed and at peace. I honestly don't think I've ever been bored in my life.

How do others feel?
Am I odd for feeling the way I do? or is the feeling of "doing my own thing" strange in this day and age when so many experts say you should be interacting with others to protect your mental health. I do interact, but at my discretion and certainly at my pace.

OP posts:
Pertangyangkipperbang · 30/10/2023 16:31

I can agree on everything you say.. that could be me..
I simply love my own company more.. but still see my family and friends when l want to.

Bichette · 30/10/2023 16:47

I love being on my own.
I find it very tiring spending too much time with other people.
Was it Satre who said "L'enfer, c'est les autres"?
Couldn't agree more.

SamW98 · 30/10/2023 16:48

Totally get you. I love socialising and I’m out most weekends but inbetween I love my own space
I work from home 50% if the time and I absolutely love those days where I work alone then crash on the sofa without seeing another living soul.

I really can’t imagine ever living with anyone again. I’m single but if I met someone, I’d want us to both keep our own places.

Original poster
Tolkienista · 30/10/2023 16:53

Thanks for your comments so far, nice to know I'm not alone.
It's only recently that I've been pretty much upfront with certain friends, who are on constant....."we must meet up" mode, that I just want a quiet week at home to recharge and actually their company can be pretty draining rather than enhancing.

OP posts:
thirdistheonewiththehairychest · 30/10/2023 17:03

I am younger than you but ended a career in teaching to move to a WFH desk-job. I also thought that I would miss the social side of working in a school but tbh the change was bliss! I think I was completely burnt out from teaching and it's taken me almost 2 years to start feeling like I would like to start having a bit more human interaction again.

Hbh17 · 30/10/2023 17:09

Sounds completely normal to me. If I'm around too many people - or too often - I crave time alone. A whole 48 hours seeing and speaking to not a single soul is my idea of bliss!

Original poster
Tolkienista · 30/10/2023 17:32

Thanks for the further comments and again solidarity that spending time on your own can be enhancing to your mental health rather than detrimental.
I think the more I say it.......I like my own company, the more I feel I'm being true to myself.
At the same time I enjoy being with other people, it's just a fine balance and thinking, "I am enough"

OP posts:
mrandmrsrobinson · 30/10/2023 17:52

I hear you and agree.

Mumtime2 · 30/10/2023 18:11

Being comfortable in your own space is fairly normal.
I like both.
By the end of the week I require my own space and creature comforts after a busy working week.
Balance.
I don't do social pressures.

JaneyGee · 30/10/2023 18:19

I’m not a people person at all. Books are just SO much more interesting that the majority of people.

RantyAnty · 31/10/2023 03:51

Yes, I love it.
I never get bored or lonely.

I can take people in small doses but don't miss the constant obligations.

Aliceinnorthernland · 31/10/2023 03:59

I WFH full time and spend alot of time alone in thw day. I don't miss seeing colleagues , but I do miss being around people at times. I sometimes work in a cafe so I can get that.

Jalines · 31/10/2023 03:59

I swear it’s “therapy culture” that keeps pushing this you’ve got to have “friends” and socialise constantly mantra, blah blah blah. Fact is most people aren’t worth more than (hopefully!) 5 pleasant minutes of togetherness. Society is also totally obsessed with being in a couple. I like occasional (good) social interaction but most of it is irksome to me. I don’t even like my family much, they are so draining!

LardoBurrows · 31/10/2023 04:01

I totally agree. I really love not having to go out all the time and never get bored. I do like meeting people but with plenty of time in between at home to do my own thing and recharge.

Beaverbridge · 31/10/2023 07:26

100% agree, love peace and quiet. Meet up if and when it suits. I pick up granddaughter from nursery couple times a week, take her home spend some time helping out at her house. Always love coming back to my house. Telly on feet up!.

PonteMinchi · 31/10/2023 07:48

You’re not unusual, OO. You enjoy people, but need time alone to recharge. I’m a very sociable introvert, and feel similar. My friendships are extremely important to me, and I socialise a lot compared to many on Mn, but I need to compensate via time alone. I just spent four days alone in an Italian city, and feel very restored.

ManyATrueWord · 31/10/2023 08:22

Sounds ideal. I plan to be like that once the children are grown.

Mackeroo · 31/10/2023 08:39

I'm the same but have always been this way. I really enjoy a quiet day or weekend to myself. Like a pp, am also single and wouldn't want to live with anyone.

JOMOnow · 31/10/2023 08:58

I too am single, have always needed a lot of time alone and find the older I get, the more I need. I've a good circle of friends but we don't live in each other's pockets and meet occasionally but we are great friends of many years. I couldn't bear to be out socialising every week - my idea of hell! I do have a hobby that gets me out once a week. One of my favourite activities is settling down with a good book.

Didsomeonesaydogs · 31/10/2023 09:05

This is really interesting.

I live alone (except for uni breaks) with just my dog, work entirely remotely, and I’m perfectly content to be on my own.

After separating from STBXH a year ago, I value my time much more and I am fiercely protective of it. It’s the one thing we can’t replace and I no longer spend it on people/in situations that don’t enrich my life. I don’t stay ‘til the bitter end of events just out of politeness any more.

As women, we’re conditioned from birth to put other people’s feelings before our own and be polite at all costs, even when we feel uncomfortable. I think as a result we are prone to spending time in situations we’d rather not, purely out of a sense of obligation or we feel like we’re being selfish if we don’t automatically go along with what others want.

I sometimes find social interactions draining and I have been wondering if this is because I might be subconsciously putting on a mask and not being my authentic self in certain company.

It does make me wonder whether many people would prefer to spend more time on their own but socialise not because they enjoy it but because they think it’s what people should do.

SamW98 · 31/10/2023 09:20

Personally I love socialising with friends and really enjoy holidays, weekends away, nights and days out etc but equally I value the time inbetween and being alone.

I love the fact I can come home from a busy weekend and chill on my own without speaking to a living soul for a few days. The thought of coming home a bit shattered and having to engage in conversation would drive me mad.

Ive always been an introvert who can socialise like an extrovert - if that makes sense - as long as I have me time to refresh and recharge.

DoratheFlora · 31/10/2023 09:32

Yes!

I'm completely baffled by people who say they wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they didn't work.

Muddle2000 · 31/10/2023 09:38

Yes but not missing work or vice versa depends if you like your job
and also what you do outside work Then there is,the money of course

Bloom15 · 31/10/2023 10:52

I am 43 and hate being on my own for more than a few hours. I wfh full time though so on my own a lot so when not working I prefer to be around my family and friends

Original poster
Tolkienista · 31/10/2023 18:26

I've just read all your further comments added today and they really make sense and add a lot of perspective to my original title....... socialise when you want to, but also spend time on your own when you want to. Don't be pressured into doing things you don't feel comfortable with.

If I message someone suggesting a meet up, I always phrase it "if you want to meet up" they have the choice, if they don't want to that's fine, I'm not in the slightest bit hurt if they say no.

Thanks again for all your honesty.

OP posts: