Contacted again by cheating ex obsession

[GuillableFool]

I was head over heels with this guy, younger, handsome, ex professional sports person.
ive been married twice , with now almost adult kids with second husband, lived in three countries, grew up with alcohol and violence and I’m autistic. I just want peace in my life now and no drama.

so I’ve been single 10 plus years and never ever want another full blown relationship again so this man was ideal. Lots of sex and fun times for about a year until I realised he had started a relationship with someone and he was sleeping with loads of other girls too.

I was mad and did a psycho bitch (in a good way) thing and sent him letters and postcards to his home where gf had moved in by then etc…
Safe to say I thought I burned all my bridges and he would never be stupid enough to call upon me again…

over the years he has tried to contact me though, many times. I’ve sometimes engaged and we’ve argued for a few weeks , he has blocked me etc.

so a few months ago again he started messaging. He was blocked on what we had then but he found me through my business and he even used PayPal to send me 50p with messages to contact him. Also emails to every account etc etc.
slowly it got more and more until several times a day.
I can see that this is love bombing now but one day when hungover I responded.
we chatted , he was being charming trying to Charm me, apologising, telling me I had been so good to him and he had been so mean. All things I wanted to hear.
I thought I was above this but it took me a whole day of chatting to ask if he was single , I honestly just assumed from what seemed like desperation that he was, and he told me no he wasn’t single. He also felt like he had done me a huge favour by not lying to me.

i was so angry and I’m shocked over how many feelings I still had left. I thought I had worked through this (I had therapy) but mostly I pushed any thought of him away as soon as they came during all these years because they hurt.

it’s knowing how little I mean to someone that they just want sex with me when he meant so much to me . That’s what sucks!

And I’m not usually a tell the wife kind of person but I would if I had any idea where to find her.

not sure why im posting other than that I have no one to tell really. Those who know me will not understand why I did chose to engage after all the months of tears…

Is this real? Sounds like click bait?

He creates a psychological addiction in you. Please recognise this. It’s just like gambling and the only loser is you.
”Maybe if I can hurt him or his girlfriend it would take the pain away! It might continue this painful addiction where he consumes my thoughts but if I get closure and I’ve hurt him back I’ll have revenge!”

Except he will probably try something back and the point is the addiction and relationship with him is incredibly damaging. See it like this. You’ve lost £200 at the casino- walk away now. Don’t throw good money after bad. You aren’t going to get closure other than knowing he’s a cheater who thrives on manipulation.

Let it go. For the sake of your own mental health

I know I’m not getting closure and I know it’s an addiction, I tell everyone this .

I posted because it made me feel sad and stupid.

If you want a peaceful life. Stay away of him and don't engage any conversation. And no, don't tell his partner, she may already knew and is none of your business.

He doesn't want to be with you but he also likes the idea of keeping you dangling on a piece of string.

Never reply to any contact he makes again.

So he’s hot, and exciting in bed, and occasionally appeara in your life to love bomb you, but then uses you for sex then treat you like crap?

Been there OP 😬 it is addicting I know, particularly the hope that “He’s changed, through his love for me, time it’s real.”

For me the path out of it was to stop viewing him as a god who was out of my league and recognise him for what he was, a nasty egotistical person. That handsome face hides a rotten soul OP. This man deliberately disrupts your life and breaks your heart, over and over again, for the ego boost of knowing he can manipulate you into wanting him.

Block him on everything and report him to Paypal as a stalker, sending you money to get messages to you when you’ve blocked him is creepy stalker shit.

‘never ever want another full blown relationship again so this man was ideal.Lots of sex and fun times for about a year…’

So - you wanted him to be your FWB. And that is exactly what he was. That arrangement doesn’t assume exclusivity.

You can’t have it both ways - you weren’t looking for or offering a real relationship anyway.

So - not sure why you are surprised he is looking you up for the same reason again.

And why would you be offended?

As to his morals and what he does - who knows what arrangement he has with his girlfriends?

And you are the ‘kind to tell the wife’ - you did that already once.

Anyway - you clearly need to keep away from him

You really have to shut him down once and for all. Are you able to do that?

Message him, "do not contact me ever again. If you do, I'll go to the police and the media."

That's all you have to do to end this.

Then work on yourself and what is missing in your life that you keep engaging in this pointless thing with him over the years. Therapy or the freedom program online might be helpful.