I am in my mid 40s. I have known someone 3+ years; we dated, then went to being just friends for various reasons and now are attempting to build something more solid again. He is in his late 40s, never married, no kids, primarily due to his ongoing focus on building his business and neglecting his personal life which he is now trying to rectify.
I really like him and his values and we talked about progressing things further, however his business, which is in catering industry, on practical terms means business level cooking (think prepping food for events), vans and trailers on a driveway, garages worth of catering stuff, business people in and out at various times and warm season weekdays spent preparing and warm season weekends working work.
I have a busy life myself, therefore so far I've adjusted and accommodated to be flexible around him (and him, around me); we also agreed that a longer term solution should be living together. I cannot do that at the moment because I have teenager DC and my house is far too small for him anyway. But my DC are growing fast and we talked about him buying property nearby and creating a home for ourselves (second for me, first for him).
I pause here though because as much as I like him, the thought of what would eventually is meant to be our home, would be also a business site for him and this is quite overwhelming. Chances are he is capable of separating the business out to an extent of, say, moving it out to an outbuilding at the back garden with a side entrance (not on different premises though - too expensive), but knowing his life story it makes me wonder if it's just his wishful thinking and I will end up having no space and place in his life. It works now at the dating stage as we see each other as and when and make the most out of it. I have plenty going on in my life to keep me busy, and you have to appreciate a hard working man who tries to fit you in the schedule whenever he can, so I suppose it is the scale of the business stuff is what bothers me most.
He is on a lookout to buy a property, which in theory should become a home for us, and I am considering whether I want to get involved with joint ownership and mortgage. It feels it's all about his business needs, not that I need much (I already have my own home and a merely an office job so no large scale requirements like his). I know there are people, and families with businesses who make it work. But what makes it worth it? Is the balance ever possible? This is now time to talk and voice myself, so what should I be asking of him, instead of letting him get on of "what he needs" and ending up living somewhere looking at a fleet of white vans out of my window and industrial site at the end of my garden? Am I being petty? Can this work?
Thank you in advance for your thoughts.