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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I can’t say anything to my DB about his parenting can I?

32 replies

Rainallnight · 29/10/2023 17:08

Sorry, not sure if this is the right section but here goes!

I’m worried about my brother’s parenting. He has two small DC and is very critical of and strict with the eldest. He has a short fuse with her and I also think his expectations of her are way off for her age (5).

He is very, very like our father in this regard and I find it quite stressful to be around.

I can’t think of a way to broach it that won’t really offend him. And we do just have different ideas about parenting and he doubtless thinks I’m too soft.

But I worry about his long term relationship with the eldest, who will just tell him to fuck off when she’s a teenager if he carries on this way. Or else she’ll be scared and crushed (like I was!)

Would really appreciate some outside perspective.

OP posts:
curaçao · 30/10/2023 09:45

Telling somwone their oarenting is shit?Iit wont end well, and you should just stay out of it.
strict parenting is not abusive or necessarily bad parentinh.He probably thinks ypur parenting is too liberal and you are equally damaging your kids

Ollifer · 30/10/2023 11:46

curaçao · 30/10/2023 09:45

Telling somwone their oarenting is shit?Iit wont end well, and you should just stay out of it.
strict parenting is not abusive or necessarily bad parentinh.He probably thinks ypur parenting is too liberal and you are equally damaging your kids

Strict parenting is abusive if you're punishing a child for just being a child who doesn't hold the capabilities for processing emotions and behaviour as we do.

curaçao · 31/10/2023 23:26

Ollifer · 30/10/2023 11:46

Strict parenting is abusive if you're punishing a child for just being a child who doesn't hold the capabilities for processing emotions and behaviour as we do.

Show quote history

Well we dont know that is what he does do we because the op has declined to provide any examples?

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 31/10/2023 23:33

I would say something. “Too strict” in some circumstances can be abusive. Are you worried for the well-being of the child? If you are, you should say something. I know it’s hard but you need to. How do your other relatives react?

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 31/10/2023 23:59

olderbutwiser · 29/10/2023 18:54

If he has had therapy as a result of your father's parenting then I would most definitely tell him that he reminds you of your father. Doesn't he have any insight into how he is behaving?

This!

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 01/11/2023 00:01

KaitlynFairchild · 30/10/2023 00:55

I think, for the sake of the children and the eldest in particular, you need to say something. To him and his partner, initially, and if the behaviour doesn't change, to the school and social care. Explain there is a familial history of emotional abuse which your brother is continuing to perpetrate.

This

SleepingStandingUp · 01/11/2023 00:35

What's the Moms take on it?
What would he say of you told him directly - when I see how you talk to Dad, it reminds me of how Dad used to talk to me.

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