Not really sure why I’m posting- probably more for a vent but I’m getting so tired of this broken record.
I have a good friend I met through work. We also have a couple of mutual friends from outside work. She’s had a tough year, and about 18 months ago her long term boyfriend (no children) left her for another woman. She was obviously completely devastated. They had a house together that they only bought about two years before, which from my understanding is jointly owned, but he had put a large deposit into from an inheritance he received.
So when he left they agreed to put the house on the market and until it sold he would continue to pay half of the mortgage and bills etc. From what I heard through mutual friends, he agreed to this because he wanted the house sold as soon as possible and was worried she would try to delay.
Flash forward almost a year and sure enough, she’d done everything in her power to stall the house sale as he’d anticipated- from refusing (sorry “forgetting”) to sign paperwork, to not letting viewers round when she’s not there and conveniently not being there when someone wants to come to view. She’s also rejected very reasonable offers. When I’ve spoken to her she’s taken the view that it’s his fault that he cheated and it’s only right he pays his own rent and bills, and half her mortgage and household bills indefinitely.
The financial pressure must’ve got too much for him as he finally told her he wouldn’t be paying her bills anymore, and she now has to front all the costs for the house until it sells. The mortgage is very affordable, especially for the area, and fixed on a very low rate from before the world started going crazy. She works full time, no kids and can afford it, but at every opportunity she gets she complains about how unfair it all is that he’s no longer paying for her to live there.
A couple of weekends ago I went to a birthday party of mutual friends where her ex and his new gf (the OW) were. OW is expecting, and out of loyalty to my friend I really wanted to not like her. The trouble is she’s actually a very funny, charismatic person you can’t help but like, and her and the ex looked undeniably happy, and everyone says how much happier he has been since leaving my friend.
Anyway, this week my friend has (once again) been laying into her ex. The boiler has broken down and she asked him to pay to fix it as officially it’s his house too, and he has in no uncertain terms told her no, he can’t afford to. My friend is livid and will not stop going on about the injustice.
Now, don’t get me wrong I do not condone cheating. But that said, it’s been a year and half, my friend says she’s over him and would never want him back even if OW wasn’t pregnant, they were also never married and never had children. I can’t understand why my friend has no pride at this point and keeps trying to leech off of her ex who has clearly moved on and has no legal responsibility to her. It’s getting very hard to have sympathy for her situation when there are so many people out there struggling through worse hardships through no fault of their own. My own mother was left destitute when my ex-step dad left her out of the blue. He certainly didn’t continue to pay for her to live in the marital home for a year (and they were married!) It was hard, but it’s the reality of relationship breakdowns.
She continually keeps delaying everything with the sale and will probably be in for a shock as friends have told me he is taking legal action to force a sale of the house. She naively keeps saying he couldn’t afford to do that, but I don’t think she realises that the costs could come out of the sale of the house, or her ordered to pay his legal fees for her stalling.
It’s just getting very difficult because she’s my friend and I want to be on her side. I was disgusted when I found out about his cheating, but I’m also getting incredibly disgusted by her attitude this far down the line. I even pointed out that the only person really going to suffer by her delaying the sale and demanding money at every turn is the baby (the only innocent person in all this mess), but she literally says she doesn’t care.
As much as I don’t condone cheating (and I feel like the worst person for saying this), I 100% see why he left her and I’m supposedly one of her best friends! I’ve pointed out that selling the house (or buying him out) would be good for her mentally and emotionally to get closure, but she just continues in this bitter pursuit of “getting even”. I’m really starting to question whether I can continue to be friends with someone so blinded by hate, and I’m so tired of hearing it now if I’m completely honest.
Maybe I’m being too harsh? It can’t have been easy what she went through, and maybe she isn’t actually as over him as she says. Maybe I need to take a step back from her to preserve our friendship?