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Original poster

Relocating for love?

26 replies

Huggabugga84 · 29/10/2023 11:16

I currently live in the south west by the coast. I absolutely love this area, I have been living here for the last 5 years with my 3 children under the age of 10.

I moved here from the north, with my partner of 16 years. Unfortunately the relationship has broken down and our house has recently sold. We have both moved on with new partners, who coincidentally both live in the Midlands.

Me ex is open to relocating, however, I am very concerned on the impact of living away from the coast. I have built a life down here, I have a support network, my children are settled in school.

I have been seeing my new partner for over 4 months, things have progressed really well, and we can see a future together. I am able to transfer jobs, so employment isn't an issue.

Would it be absolute madness to move for this new partner? Obviously, my ex is open to it so they can be closer to their new partner.

I would appreciate any help or advice on this matter, it is currently consuming my thoughts. Our house is sold and completion is expected early 2024 so the pressure is on to make a decision.

Thanks for reading, if you made it this far 😊

OP posts:
Meandyouandyouandme · 29/10/2023 11:52

This new person isn’t a partner, you’ve only known them 4 months. I’d wait at least 2 years before you contemplated a move.

Sprig1 · 29/10/2023 11:53

Don't do it. You need to put your children first at this stage.

TomatoSandwiches · 29/10/2023 11:57

That would be highly irresponsible, I wouldn't even consider it.

Britneyfan · 29/10/2023 11:58

4 months is super early to be making this sort of decision especially if you have kids and you’re happy where you are. I would at least give it 12-18 months before considering moving for them personally. What’s the rush? How old are your kids? It would obviously be very difficult to move during GCSE or A level years so to a certain extent your pretty stuck for a while once they hit that bit.

Pinkmagic1 · 29/10/2023 11:59

Not for someone you have known for 4 months. Could you rent in your current area and see how things progress with the new relationship? I would not be making and decisions like this for at least a year, probably more.

TheShellBeach · 29/10/2023 11:59

4 months?

No chance. Can't he move to be near you?

HowAmYa · 29/10/2023 11:59

Its VERY important that neither of you move your children away from the other parent.

Both you and your exs new partners should know that your children come first.

Can't believe you're even thinkin this 4 months in!!

Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2023 12:01

My god, don't be ridiculous. It is far, far too early to even consider relocating your children for a man you barely know. Honestly, how can this even be a consideration?

Basilton · 29/10/2023 12:02

He is not your partner. And it is relevant to point that out because you are giving this very new relationship more weight than it warrants by referring to him as a partner. It is a new boyfriend, of course you should not be thinking of uprooting your children for what could be nothing more than a very brief fling.

Ragruggers · 29/10/2023 12:05

When your house sale goes through where were you planning to move to before you met this new man ? Don’t move to an area miles away from your life by the coast.What happens say you move ,children in new schools and your new man is no more ? Are you planning on staying there.Much to early to make decisions that are life changing especially for the children.Take your time if thisman is a keeper he will wait.

Petallove · 29/10/2023 12:25

After 4 years maybe consider! But if you love where you live can’t he move instead? Moving really wouldn’t be putting your children first.

Original poster
Huggabugga84 · 29/10/2023 12:42

Britneyfan · 29/10/2023 11:58

4 months is super early to be making this sort of decision especially if you have kids and you’re happy where you are. I would at least give it 12-18 months before considering moving for them personally. What’s the rush? How old are your kids? It would obviously be very difficult to move during GCSE or A level years so to a certain extent your pretty stuck for a while once they hit that bit.

The reason for the rush, is because if I don't relocate with my ex, my ex's new partner will relocate down here, and then I will miss out on the opportunity to relocate.

My children are 4, 5 and 9.

OP posts:
Original poster
Huggabugga84 · 29/10/2023 12:44

Petallove · 29/10/2023 12:25

After 4 years maybe consider! But if you love where you live can’t he move instead? Moving really wouldn’t be putting your children first.

There is a possibility of him moving down here in the future.

Everyone is right, and rational... I think my head is just spinning at the minute.

I have to put my children first.

Thank you for all your replies 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Huggabugga84 · 29/10/2023 12:45

Thank you for your input. I have had this same thought about being stuck there if the relationship didn't work out. I think deep down I know what the right thing to do is, I just needed to hear other people's thoughts on it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Huggabugga84 · 29/10/2023 12:47

TheShellBeach · 29/10/2023 11:59

4 months?

No chance. Can't he move to be near you?

Edited

Yes, there is potential in the long term, he could move down here.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 29/10/2023 12:49

Madness to even consider it.

Original poster
Huggabugga84 · 29/10/2023 12:50

Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2023 12:01

My god, don't be ridiculous. It is far, far too early to even consider relocating your children for a man you barely know. Honestly, how can this even be a consideration?

Exactly, I just needed to hear it from other people!

My ex does have a preference to relocate to the Midlands due to the difference in house prices, but we both love life down here by the coast, I would be giving too much up.

OP posts:
Oldthyme · 29/10/2023 12:54

Give your head a wobble missus. You would give up your current life on the coast for the Midlands? The Midlands! Really? Are you mad?

Put your kids first, please. They are so young and your relationship is actually very new. Don’t unsettle the poor wee children for a relationship which might struggle to last. It’s still very early days.
Please, don’t go it. Just don’t.

MariaLuna · 29/10/2023 12:55

I absolutely love this area

Would it be absolute madness to move for this new partner?

Yes.

You've known him for all of 5 minutes (you're not even in the same part of the country).

Your priority is your kids here "all under 10". Please don't uproot them or yourself for something which could become a huge regret in the future.

Loubelle70 · 29/10/2023 12:56

Meandyouandyouandme · 29/10/2023 11:52

This new person isn’t a partner, you’ve only known them 4 months. I’d wait at least 2 years before you contemplated a move.

This. Its too soon. Your kids will ve changing schools...a big upheaval for something that may not work out. Youll be in same position as now ..would you move bk to the coast. Its best not to ferry kids to different areas they need stability and familiarity. Id wait at least few years...but thats me

Loubelle70 · 29/10/2023 12:59

...also i would never relocate for any partner. Only question you need to ask is if he would move with his 3 kids (hypothetically) to relocate because you moved away to work? I doubt it. Women are expected to relocate when newish partner gets job but men arent held by that same rhetoric. I wouldnt

lwishyouwould · 29/10/2023 13:03

Don't do it.

Firstly, even if the guy was Ryan Reynolds I wouldn't be leaving a lovely coastal town to live in the midlands.

It's way way way way too soon to think about this. I wouldn't have even introduced him to my kids after 4 months let alone be thinking about living with them!

Have you really sussed this guy out, Claire's/Sarah's law checks?

I think if anyone moves it should be him. Your kids are settled and they've already had a big move and their parent's break up to deal with. I also don't think he should move straight in with you. He should live nearby for a while.

Dery · 29/10/2023 13:50

@Huggabugga84 - good to see that you’re planning to stay put. There are actually some gorgeous parts of the midlands but you love where you are and a 4-month relationship cannot be a basis for relocating 3 children.

It sounds like you were feeling pressured by the situation with your ex, who sounds further along in his relationship, but if his partner is willing to move to the coast so you can stay put that sounds far preferable overall.

randomusernam · 29/10/2023 15:47

If I had moved 5 years ago I wouldn't be moving my kids again. Change of school and making new friends. Must be a big upheaval for the kids.

HT8 · 29/10/2023 15:51

Crazy to even think about it. How on earth did you both end up dating people from the midlands!

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