I've run out of sympathy, how do I not lose it?

[LucieLeicester]

Hubbie had a minor op. Its taking a few weeks longer than expected to heal + he is off work. I've been supportive but my patience is running out. He isn't in pain, he is bored. He takes his bad mood out on everyone. I try to suggest things to do but he is increasingly mean back. Yesterday, I suggested he take DS out to buy pizza + a halloween outfit. They had a horrible time + bought nothing. It felt like he wanted to prove it was a bad idea + punish us all by not buying pizza. I had to conjure a meal from the freezer.
Please give me some ideas how I can not lose it. Possibly even one-liners to feign sympathy! I probably only have one more week until he is back at work.

The underlying issues are too much to deal with here, so I'm trying not to get into it much. He is depressed + social isolated, the only thing he does in life is work. I have MS. He refuses to be caring towards me + avoids me on bad days. I just couldn't live with myself if I treated him the same uncaring way he treats me. I can't not care. Which is why I am so determined to try remain supportive during his illness, even if I have to fake it a bit. I know how hurtful the opposite is.

I'd have not rummaged in the freezer, I'd have said 'oh so what did you plan for dinner otherwise then'? Rather than you rescuing the situation.

Poor DC must have been disappointed.
DHs feelings are getting priority it seems.

Be careful that as a household you all don't end up praying at the altar of his misery, day in and day out.

Is there a dynamic where he's trying to evoke sympathy/elicit mothering/attention seeking from you by constantly telling the story of his pain and misery?

You aren't responsible for keeping him happy.

You don't have to curb your behavior and outlook to match his mood.

Start questioning him about his own resources, cause him to reflect on what he's doing to help himself.

'you sound miserable, have you thought what you can you do to soothe yourself. Or what can help you have the best day you can, given that you are not feeling great, have you thought about that?'

" I've offered a lot of help and support but nothing I say seems to help you. There's two separate things going on here, your illness and your mood".

" Your mood is affecting the whole house."

He sounds like a horrid man what is the point of him - marriage is about sickness and in health if he can switch kindness on and off to you and desert you when you're most vulnerable then what is the point of him he has failed is marriage vows over and over again. I vote LTB. Or at least leave him to his own misery and stop worrying about him.

I nursed my ex through an operation where he was recovering for weeks and was so moody. I felt so sorry for him. When I was pregnant with his child he had no sympathy or empathy for the aches pains and discomfort I had and eventually walked out on me when I tried to talk about it at the wrong time of day as I obviously didn't care about his feelings 😫 your DH sounds so much like him

Get rid of this waste of space. He is a horrible excuse for a man. Not getting items just to prove a point is extremely childish and not fair to you and your DS. You deserve better than this poor excuse of a father.

Couldn't have put it better myself

You can't even muster up ready made pizza and a witches hat

Yes we all have aches and pains it's called growing old

Sorry I can't find the teeny tiny violin

Welcome to a woman's world

Only boring people are boring read a book

Not the operation again yes we know we know we know we know

Just say "oh my lord" turn around and leave the room

When you back at work

Do I need to get a priest

Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger

Thanks for the pizza

I expect this off the kids, grown man not so much.

Pain isn't fun is it

I mean OP I could go on, but really just tell him to grow the fuck up.

Exactly this.

@LucieLeicester ?

It's rare that I say this but tell him you want a divorce and you are sick of his miserable ffing attitude.

Granted you have MS but you also sound reasonably healthy right now? Is this the man you want looking after you if the worst happens? Cut him loose. I'm sorry but he sounds as though he a) wants to be and b) you'd be better off

I’d have sent him straight back out for the pizza. Miserable wanker.

Yep.

Why are you still with him? He sounds horrible