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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Finally done it - I’m heartbroken

22 replies

DWSDB · 28/10/2023 20:21

He’s walked out. Said he wants nothing to do with me, just the baby. I’m 8 months pregnant and I’m left sobbing once again.

He’s now demanding I move out for half of time time. I’m so overwhelmed. He promised at the start of the week things will get better and he loves me.

Hes been emotionally abusing me for months I am broken.

OP posts:
Runnyyolkplease · 28/10/2023 22:11

Hi OP, do you have anywhere else you can go or someone to stay with for a few days?

Ibravedaflood · 28/10/2023 22:16

Right now you concentrate on you. At this moment he has no rights to your baby. He isn't calling the shots do you hear? Practical things.. Who owns /rents the home? Have you a job? Money? Place to stay? Support from family? He doesn't get to make all the decisions.

Bluela18 · 28/10/2023 22:30

Are you married? If not, He has no rights what so ever to this child, you don't even need to have his name on the birth certificate, this might give you more problems with his rights if you do. How about getting some support from a midwife? GP, family etc. Maybe they can give you further information and advice. Don't let him dictate anything. You call the shots. Don't let him ruin the rest of your pregnancy and birth. As hard as it is, he's being emotionally abusive and unreasonable to think you can live there half the time. No it's not happening. What's the living arrangements. You can do this and it can all get sorted with the right plans and support

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/10/2023 22:33

Where does he expect you to go?

StarsandStones · 28/10/2023 22:39

Does he expect to alternate every week? As in, that he gets the baby for a whole week starting one week after birth?

Original poster
DWSDB · 28/10/2023 22:43

I don’t even know.. I think he’s saying it to hurt me and when I’ve said no I’ve just got another set of horrible texts and ignored again… I can’t think past 10 minutes in front of me I’m on my own now

OP posts:
RandomForest · 28/10/2023 22:45

He's an idiot, please don't listen to anything he says, lashing out verbally to a vunerable pregnant woman, he's a joke, you must know this.

Get your mature head on, concentrate on yourself and your health and try to block out this fool.

Hopefully when the time is right you will be stronger to make a decision about whether you want to remain with this man child.

Take care Flowers

Starlightstarbright2 · 28/10/2023 22:49

Turn your phone off for now .. it won’t help you ..

take the time to figure out what you want. Are you married ? Do you have family close by .. if you want to move closer to family do try to do this before baby is born ?

why does he think you need to move out half the week ?

does he think he is getting the baby 50% of the time .

molotovcupcakes · 28/10/2023 23:12

Don’t worry he won’t get the baby 50% of the time it wouldn’t be in the child’s best interest and you can’t be to-and fro ing with a tiny baby it’s patently impossible.
Just move out and maybe he can visit though in reality his visits might dwindle once the novelty wears off.

LonelyFlans · 28/10/2023 23:27

I presume he means he wants you to move out so he can spend time with the baby?

I'm not surprised you're overwhelmed with all this, he sounds like a bully.

When you're ready, take a deep breath and deal with things one at a time:

  • who owns/is on the tenancy for your house/flat? If you, he can't make you move anywhere. If joint, see if you can buy him out/get him removed. If just him, talk to family/friends to get some help moving out and away from him
  • are you married? If not, you're in a much better position as he won't have automatic parental responsibility. Under the circumstances don't put him on the birth certificate and give baby your surname. Apply to CMS as soon as the baby is born
  • the most he'll be given is short regular visits (with you there likely) until baby is over 1 (some say over 2), so don't worry about him trying to take baby away.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this

JanglingJack · 28/10/2023 23:32

I speak from experience -: it's far far easier to bring up a newborn alone than it is to be surrounded by turmoil and anguish.

I'm so sorry you are hurting right now. Please try and find a peaceful space for yourself both mentally and physically.

Original poster
DWSDB · 28/10/2023 23:36

shared mortgage on the house. It’s so hard to think about the future I’m absolutely devastated. Just want him to come home but I know that it’s a bad idea to even ask him. My heart is broken I need to not speak to him.

OP posts:
LonelyFlans · 28/10/2023 23:43

Can you go and stay with someone else for a while? It might help you to clear your head.

YokoOnosBigHat · 28/10/2023 23:54

Are you married? Because if you aren't I wouldn't be putting him on the birth certificate with this nonsense.

Original poster
DWSDB · 29/10/2023 01:32

I stayed in our house after he left he’s then turned up at 1am reiterating what he’s said that I need to let him in but he loves me etc. he won’t fuck off now😂

OP posts:
MintJulia · 29/10/2023 01:44

Do you have a spare room? He'd be sleeping in there tonight.

Starting tomorrow, no more of the bullying abusive nonsense. He either stays or goes, No, you won't be moving out half of the time.

If he doesn't stop acting like an immature knob, you'll be selling up and moving on. You won't be keeping his home fires burning, and he can become a 50:50 dad in 18 months time.

Original poster
DWSDB · 29/10/2023 01:53

He’s on the sofa tonight. He can go tomorrow. I’ve tried to get him to leave and he’s offering me a coffee to talk … but not about us? Wtf I’ve gone to bed. Nutcase honestly. I’m heartbroken but weirded out

OP posts:
Basilton · 29/10/2023 04:30

DWSDB · 29/10/2023 01:53

He’s on the sofa tonight. He can go tomorrow. I’ve tried to get him to leave and he’s offering me a coffee to talk … but not about us? Wtf I’ve gone to bed. Nutcase honestly. I’m heartbroken but weirded out

If you are both on the house deeds, then you cannot make him leave. But equally, don’t leave yourself and hopefully he will blink first and go.

harerunner · 29/10/2023 07:37

MintJulia · 29/10/2023 01:44

Do you have a spare room? He'd be sleeping in there tonight.

Starting tomorrow, no more of the bullying abusive nonsense. He either stays or goes, No, you won't be moving out half of the time.

If he doesn't stop acting like an immature knob, you'll be selling up and moving on. You won't be keeping his home fires burning, and he can become a 50:50 dad in 18 months time.

Really? I mean REALLY?!?

So if there's no spare room you'd expect the OP to share her bed with this monster this evening? Are you insane?

MintJulia · 29/10/2023 12:39

@harerunner I didn't say that. He can sleep on the couch - as he did, or the floor.

The point is, 2am when everyone is tired, upset and possibly in drink (him?) is no time to make any momentous decisions. Or to argue. It's half his house, she can't force him to leave.

As I said, this morning, blunt discussion, make her red lines clear. Then time for decisions.

@DWSDB , I hope things are getting sorted. It's a horrible situation to be in. Find a place where you can be safe and calm to have your baby. Take it one day at time. Good luck xx

Ibravedaflood · 29/10/2023 12:43

Get the house sold. Get rid of him.

GrumpyPanda · 29/10/2023 12:45

I'd move far far away before the birth if job situation permits. Can you move in with family for a bit?

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