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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help staying sane whilst separating

4 replies

Toofattoofurious3 · 28/10/2023 07:36

I’m In the process of splitting with my ex and waiting for the house to sell. It’s been on the market since August and we’ve only had one viewing despite lowering the price. Ex refuses to lower the price further as it’s now very competitive against other places in the area, and I do agree with this in the main. I just think we have bad timing. I have nowhere else to go and can’t afford to move out without the equity from this place.

In the meantime we’re living here with our two kids and I’m finding it really difficult. Ex is an alcoholic and can be verbally abusive. He refuses to do anything at all around the house and very little with the kids, part of the reason we are splitting is because I felt he didn’t pull his weight. Now he is literally refusing to do anything at all, and openly admits that he is teaching me a lesson by doing this. It’s been like this since June and it’s really starting to get me down.

I’m so tired of being in this situation, I’m exhausted and walking on eggshells. He’s always twisting my words or blaming me for things. I’m worried about my own mental health and the effect on the kids. I’m desperately trying to just get in with everything so we can move to our own place, but it’s so hard. Any tips on how to get through this with my sanity in tact?

OP posts:
EVHead · 28/10/2023 07:42

Have you contacted a lawyer about the separation? Financial agreement, arrangements for the kids, maintenance etc?

I went through this six years ago - absolute hell being separated but living together.

Are you still cooking for him, doing his laundry, etc?

DustyLee123 · 28/10/2023 07:50

If he’s being abusive and you feel frightened, call the police.

Toofattoofurious3 · 28/10/2023 07:57

Thanks EVHead. No lawyers, we’ve been together 15yrs but never married. Ex has varied wildly in what he wants in terms of access to kids - from 50/50 split to no contact. I’m just assuming that they will be with me for the majority of the time and I’ll have to go through CSS for support. I’d prefer them to be with me anyway. Our finances are separate too, he pays mortgage I pay everything else, he owes me a bit of money but I think I’ll have to write that off.

Im not doing his laundry or cooking. I do end up tidying up after him though which is frustrating.

OP posts:
Toofattoofurious3 · 28/10/2023 07:58

Thanks Dusty, I absolutely would.

OP posts:
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