Give me some positive stories about reconciliation - possible mid life crisis...

[Soloq]

I've lurked on here for a while and I'm hoping you lovely people will give me a bit of support....
My husband left about 8 weeks ago. It was very sudden, he can't articulate his reason for going and it totally side-swiped me. Much reading later it seems to fit the profile of a mid life crisis. He has not long turned 50 and has had several traumatic events in the past year. There is no other woman involved.
I've been giving him space, only minimal friendly neutral communication (we have no kids) but I very much want him to come back. Everything I've read says you just have to sit tight and wait it out, which sounds easy and is actually incredibly tough - I feel empty and scared and a bit dizzy with the surrealness of it all although I've been careful not to let him know how bad things are. My friends are being great but I feel like I'm wearing them out with my stuck-record conversation - also I seem to be blessed with numerous happily married friends so very few can relate to the feelings and none have experienced mid life crisis!
I'd really like some positive stories and ideally ideas for how to move forwards in terms of working towards reconciliation. Thank you in advance!

Sorry… but absolutely, this is true. Whether it’s a literal affair or not, he’s got his eye on someone else.
And I wouldn’t be sitting tight whilst waiting to find out.

I really appreciate everyone taking the time to reply but please, please can we stop with the 'there is another woman' insistence. You may of course be correct but it's pushing my panic buttons and that's not helping me right now. I asked for posts about successful reconciliation and those are the ones that are helping me function - I know I need to fix me, I know logically he may never return, but I have to get through this emotional time between now and the point where I can accept that peacefully; I have to do that in a way that means I can eat, sleep and drive safely.

‘He or one of our mutual friends would have told me. He has no reason to hide anyone - he is sure (for the moment at least) that he has left and isn't coming back. He's also not all that interested - he'd lived like a monk for two years before he started seeing me all those years ago.’

Sorry but cheats have every reason to hide it. They lie to themselves in all kinds of ways about how he didn’t leave for her, it was the primary relationship, he’s been SOO unhappy etc etc anything to help him hold true to the man he believes he is.

Posters aren’t mentioning this possibility to be cruel and put you through more stress it’s to help you see what could be right in front of you. Very few women who are cheated on ever think their husband could be capable of it, we all hark back to the days of their singledom etc etc, sorry but we fool ourselves.

You do need to be guarded. Chances are there is something more lurking. Not an absolute, of course not, but ime the chance is more likely.

FWIW I don’t think there’s a quick fix to having your heart broken and waiting or hoping for reconciliation with a man who has said it’s over all you’re doing is putting yourself in limbo.

You deserve so much better than putting yourself through this. I know it’s easier said than done but protect your heart and interests as he’s doing.

Fucking hell, why waste energy on this miserable excuse for a man who will do this to you? How fucking dare he?

At worst, if he had any morals he would divorce you and set you free

Would you do this to someone you hated - let alone someone you loved? My Dad died, my mother had dementia, my sister had a premature baby - all at once. It didn't make me a cunt.

Fuck him. The solicitor's letter will doubtless focus his mind.

And yes, the other woman wil crawl out of the woodwork soon enough. A man with this level of disregard for his wife will not have jumped until he saw the next lilypad.

And there's a reason for the dearth of positive stories.

@ChristmasFluff no need to be so vicious. It is only 8 weeks since @Soloq's husband left. The average time for separation and reconciliation is 2 years. For divorce it is 3 years. Only on MN do people separate and immediately pull the divorce trigger. In the real world, people are more circumspect and make sure it really is the right thing to do.

People don't shout about reconciliation because they get shamed for it. For being willing to accept that humans are flawed, that they make mistakes, for forgiving. For letting go of anger, because holding onto it only hurts the holder.

And if you disagree, that is fine. But not what OP asked for.

Your post made me sad as I could have written it 5 years ago. I searched far and wide for positive stories, I read everything about the Runaway Husband and I was adamant he was having a midlife crisis or suffering from depression, and that there was nobody else involved. On the surface I desperately wanted him back.
I say 'on the surface' because in reality I realised that I didn't actually want to be with someone who had treated me like that. I also didn't want to live the rest of my life worried that he would do it again; it had been my greatest fear as I have lost many people in my life, and it was the one thing he always promised he would never do.
It wasn't immediate but communication with him started to sound stilted, him using expressions that were unlike him, as if he had someone putting words in his mouth, and lo and behold he had a work colleague whose 'shoulder he was crying on'. Looking back, her increased involvement with him at work tied in with changes in his behaviour and him starting the withdrawal. They now have a child together and we're divorced.
I know that even though I was like you in many ways, I genuinely know that from the day he left, nothing would ever be the same whether he returned or not, the trust was gone and I'm glad he never did come back!

Why would mutual friends know? You can't

Posted too soon. There's no way you can 100% discount another woman as the reason for this. That's not to say he definitely is but it's realistic that this is the reason for it.

Well, that's me done with Mumsnet.
Thank you very much to the early respondents - you gave me food for thought and encouragement.
To those of you who've actively ignored what I've said please note that this isn't supportive or helpful and I'm finding your posts distressing. If you can't answer the question posed please just walk away. That's what I'm doing now.

OP, your anger is misplaced. It's not random mumsnetters giving you panic attacks or anxiety! You could be given hundreds of happy ending examples, and it means nothing if you won't get one. People are trying to warn you and get you to brace yourself! You seem incredibly fragile and you say you won't be able to cope if your partner leaves, but you will because what other choice is there? People saying he is most likely already involved with someone do it because this is most often the case. Truth will set you free OP! And why would you give someone, anyone, so much power over your life! Take the power back. You CAN function without him

Hey… I have had something pretty much similar happening to me with my husband of 18 years.
i am wondering how are things with you now almost a year later… would you mind sharing an update?