Left on read

[Snowdrop89]

Does anyone else find being left on read really really stressful? I know I’m being unreasonable, the logical part of me knows people get busy & have other stuff to do than talk to me, but the illogical overthinking part assumes I’ve said something to upset the person. I have one friend in particular who’ll go through a constant texting phase and then go silent for a bit. I’m struggling to be ok with this. Miss her when she’s in a silent phase. Find it hard if I see she’s online but ignoring me. Any thoughts anyone? I want to be fine with this!

There are certain people who love bomb texts. They glue you to your phone and then...vanish. and we feel really uncomfortable because it's so different from the norm with them that we wonder whats up.

If you only feel this way about this person or, after having this person in your life, I'd suggest that maybe the friendship itself might be the issue.

Unless you have prior issues with abandonment and so, feel really insecure in general as a result of people not being available?

I often pick up the phone when I know a text has arrived, quickly look at it while in the middle of something then put the phone back down. I'll only respond if it's urgent. So it might be hours before I get a chance to reply. You just have to assume that's the case, and that they will get back you when they have some time in private.

Better than left unread!

@Whiskerson that’s what I think !! But my dds don’t get that at all…

New partner is doing this a lot more now, I suspect I’m on the receiving end of a slow fade ..

I don’t worry at all about it, like PP said sometimes you read a text, make sure it’s nothing urgent, then carry on working or whatever it is you’re doing, then reply when you remember. I think people get a bit OTT about not receiving timely replies. People have other stuff to do

No, not at all. I would find it more stressful to keep a conversation going when there’s no need. It’s very demanding and needy behaviour.

I turned blue ticks off because of girls like you. Seriously I found it so stressful when girls I am friends with followed up asking why I didn't reply when I'm online. Sometimes I have a quick check of messages when I'm at a red light so I'd show 'online' but I'm not even sending a message! Sometimes I'm messaging a colleague about work at work. Sometimes I want to have a think about what to reply before I do. I cannot stand the nagging or the feeling that someone will be monitoring me.

Please turn off blue ticks

Going off topic, but don’t check your messages as red lights, if you are in the UK you are looking a £200 fine & six points & a driving ban if caught twice in 3 years

https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/advice/legal/mobile-phone-laws/

When it's a dating scenario (as opposed to friends) I would agree with this and with op that it's stressful. Because IF you like someone you wouldn't leave them hanging for a few hours.
All the more reason to turn off blue ticks though as dating requires such a thick skin!

The funny thing with flow faders is JUST when you give up on them they tend to pop back up (zombying and slow fading)

I'm like your friend. I genuinely get overwhelmed by messages. It's no reflection at all on how much I like someone. I genuinely love my friends and I love hearing from them and we could talk for hours on end - but I've got two messages already today that I don't have the mental energy to respond to at the moment.

If it was a potential or actual boyfriend doing this, it would stress me being left on read. But for a close friend I would assume they were in a bit of burnout and wait to hear back.

It does help to turn off blue ticks and last seen on WhatsApp. I've had to do this with certain boyfriends so I don't feel ignored.

Another thing that helps with some friends is having an emoji we can send each other that means I love you so we can say it without the pressure of a conversation when we're not able to have one. It's usually something silly like a duck because we call each other ducky.

@Pinkbonbon thats exactly what’s happening here - a change from her normal. It’s leaving all sorts of stuff going through my head, like have I said something to offend her or have I been too needy lately (life has been a bit stressful). I texted yesterday and I’ve been left on unread so… I guess she just doesn’t wanna talk to me right now. Nothing I can do except leave it. I wish she could just say “Need a bit of space, speak soon” or something.

@mondaytosunday It’s been 2 days now. This is someone who’s on her phone all the time. It’s a big change from her normal & I don’t think I’m being needy so much as worrying if she’s ok. I have asked but no reply. I’m being left on unread now so I’ll take that as a go away and leave me alone…

@Whiskerson being left unread now. & yeah, turns out you’re right.

@Zanatdy It’s so different from her normal. That’s how I know there’s a problem, be it with her or with me. Nothing I can do. Being left on unread now. Just have to let it go and wait to hear I guess. Worried about her…

@TheHawkisHowling Yeah, think it’s time to turn blue ticks off. I’m being left on unread now which is so totally not her normal so there’s something going on. Nothing I can do. The way texts work I guess… Will just have to leave it, hope she’s ok & wait

I'm ok with not receiving immediate responses however, I have recently had 2 'incidents' whereby a friend VM me, a lengthy lovely message asking to arrange to spend some time with me (very genuine) I responded immediately..it was read and not responded to for 3 weeks! She then VM again apologising, busy etc by saying the same as before. I responded immediately and asked for dates to arrange time together, read and not responded to, it's now 10 days.

Personally the above is just plain rude, and I will now treat like with like.

Oddly enough I was dumped via WA that very evening 😢

But when does the conversation end? I hadn’t heard of being left on read apart from on MN.

Gosh i had similar to that @Breakingpoint1961

A friend was like 'let's go out next week' and I replied saying that sounded good and to let know when suited. Heard nothing for a whole month. Then she messaged to ask how I was and i replied and asked her back and she vanished again.

This was after about maybe 7 or 8 months of us hanging out. We had went out for coffee or a night out or ect... 2 or 3 times a month and chatted most weeks before that.

So weird. Makes you feel like you've done something wrong or something, it's horrible.

This is the problem with smartphones. Before, you'd send a text and just wait for a reply without knowing if it was read/unread etc. It's not healthy to be constantly monitoring people or feel you're being monitored. People genuinely have their own things going on 99.9% of the time and the 'ignoring' is seldom done on purpose at least in the context of friendship anyway.

I understand that you might be worried but if that's the case maybe just send one last message saying so 'thinking of you, hope everything is ok? x' that sort of thing. Then try your best to put it out of your head. I'm sure she'll reach out to you soon and in the meantime try not to worry too much.

@acpk55 oh no!!! I'm sorry! It really does happen to the best of us and it shows how spineless that person is

@Pinkbonbon I've known her at least 10 years, lovely person..I just don't know, maybe just really really busy. I'm at the point where I will do as I'm done by. I'm not paranoid or neurotic, I'm just a polite and considerate person and wouldn't do that to someone, so I just want the same respect back.