How to React When Someone Snaps at You

[Rosebush2023]

Hi everyone,

I was wondering how you react when someone snaps at you and if I am being hypersensitive.

An estranged family member recently visited. She is my age and we're wary around each other. Anyway, we were out shopping when she suddenly snapped at me and my friend not to all talk at the same time. I had been explaining something to her when the friend interrupted, but she made it look like we were two kids competing for her attention. I had no idea how to respond so I suppose I looked 'weak' in her eyes.

After that, I was very wary of her and she took centre stage in all the family gatherings, saying banalities at the top of her voice. The others were happy to see her and did not notice how she pushed me out. She managed to look happy and normal but I felt she was a bully. She has always treated her boyfriends horribly, too.

I have known for a while that I need to cut her completely out of my life, as all the interactions are on her terms. When she's irritated, she will be abrupt or almost rude. I have a very enjoyable life and I hate having her come up from where she lives and make me feel like crap!

Thanks for any advice!

"Alright Doris, keep yer hair on" is standard

Advice? Stay away from anybody who makes you question yourself, including the question 'Am I being too sensitive?'

There is no 'too sensitive'. There can't be, unless there is a 'correct' level of sensitivity. Who would be the authority to decide that for you? Who decides how you should feel?

Swap glances with your other mate and then go, "Oooooh!" whilst wiggling your fingers!

She sounds like a prick. I think having strong boundaries and minimal direct communication with her - other than the necessary will prevent you from being in that position again.

I have known a few people like this and it's almost like they get a kick out of being Mr/Mrs Popular with everyone but always have to have one target person to exclude. It's all about power kicks and also if you were to call her out, chances are nobody would believe you.

One thing I've found with twats when they say something twattish is to just calmly ask them to repeat what they just said. It's telling them that you've noticed they're being a twat without actually getting into a back and forth. No other words needed.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation Ooops, I never even thought of that. I forgot to be on guard so didn't have an answer ready and just felt hurt. The thing with her is that she manages to pull empathetic people in and then turns on them. She'd got me feeling sorry for her about something she admitted to me earlier.

Basically, she's toxic and I will follow @Watchkeys 's advice. Thank you, Watchkeys!

Loud and annoyed by two people talking at once?

Tinnitus and/or hearing loss.

Being rude isn't a symptom of tinnitus or hearing loss, so the reason is irrelevant.

@NeverDropYourMooncup Definitely not. I have lots of other examples from other times of her putdowns; sometimes they are psychologically cruel, focusing on a weakness, once even pointing out that I was shy with someone.

I really thought I was strong and successful enough now for her not to get to me, but she did.

Thank you, @FortheBeautyoftheEarth, I will try that if I see her again. although I much prefer to avoid her.

It's been known for me to tell a person who has snapped at me, to fuck off. Not putting up with that crap.

The family member I have to deal with is exactly the same , also treated boyfriends like shit. I used to let her walk all over me but we had a massive argument about a year ago and she said some really horrible upsetting things . I don't stand for it any more , the next time she talked down to me I told her she must really hate herself a lot to want to treat other people so badly. I haven't heard from her since . Thank god .

@HelpMeGetThrough Oh gosh, I feel such a wimp for not doing this! It would have been perfect.

@Spermscarecrow She sounds horrible! Lucky you to be rid of her.

Well, I certainly feel tetchy when there's a lot of noise, especially when it means I can't hear anything in particular because it's all blurring into one painful racket combined with the hissing and whistling.

Maybe I'm just a toxic prick as well (pretty sure I'd be told that, rather than bitched about on the internet) - or maybe it's that the pain, exhaustion and disorientation from the sound gets too much to tolerate at times?

Arseholes can also have hearing issues, by the way.

@NeverDropYourMooncup Yes you do sound like a toxic prick. I will bitch about who and what I want on the internet.

Awesome. I'll print and frame your post and hang it in my office.

She could still have hearing issues, even if she doesn't like you for some unfathomable reason.

I like the pp suggestion of asking to repeat. Or asking to clarify what they mean. Gives thinking time. Thank you for posting this. This is something I struggle with so much. I never snap at people and would be horrified if I made someone feel like crap. I go to pieces and panic if on the receiving end of someone snappy - I've been told I have a low threshold for conflict. I do tend to just phase these people out. Life is too short to be walking on eggshells. And they often choose who they snap at. Like people who aren't likely to bite back. Kind of like kicking a puppy. So they know not to snap at someone powerful or someone who is high status like a boss or celebrity. Just the idea that they have assessed who it's ok to snap at seems like bullying to me.

Well, I certainly feel tetchy when there's a lot of noise, especially when it means I can't hear anything in particular because it's all blurring into one painful racket combined with the hissing and whistling.

@NeverDropYourMooncup
I feel tetchy about various things quite often but if I snap at people in response to my feelings instead of taking a deep breath and then politely explaining that I'm having a tough time and can they help out by [insert action], that's on me.

If you feel entitled to snap at people who aren't actually doing anything wrong because you, an adult, are having a hard time with something, you may in fact be a toxic prick.

Absolutely, it's completely okay to distance yourself from someone who consistently treats you badly and makes you feel unhappy. Your feelings and instincts are important, so trust them. Prioritize your emotional well-being and take the necessary steps to protect your happiness.

Ok, in regards to hearing loss when someone has hearing loss they often don’t know what they sound like. They won’t hear how loud they are talking but they also won’t hear what their voice sounds like. They might not realise that their tone was harsh or snappy.

But in regards to the Op, I don’t take it personally if someone occasionally snaps at me. I just recognise that they are annoyed or feeling frustrated. If they constantly snapped at me then I would take issue with that.

When it comes to saying things that are insulting or a put down or nasty then I tend to call them out on it and then avoid them.